Travelling with a baby... And other things to do in Orihuela, Spain

Before she'd even had her six-week check up, my daughter had her passport delivered. As a fetus/baby who'd been on three international trips before she'd even officially entered the world, it's not surprising eh. Hey, this whole blog started as a place to document my travels, so would you expect any different than my daughter being ready to go international at a moment's notice?! 

Thinking of travelling with a baby? Here are my top tips. 

Consider anything ‘baby’ specific 

My girl was three-turning-four months old on this first trip abroad; apparently a great age for travel. Not too tiny, or with me still being in the early stages of post partum; but not needing to carry bag upon bag of food, endless entertainment, or a super strict routine. 

However, there is still stuff to consider that you wouldn't if you were not travelling with a baby. For example, how will you feed them on the plane? If formula fed, will you take formula from home, or risk trying them on something similar in the new location? What are the car seat laws in the destination you're travelling to? Do you need to pack a steriliser?

Do a dry run of a staycation 

If you can, do a dry run before your holiday. This could be as simple as a stay at a grandparents house or a staycation in the UK - we did a combo of both, heading to the Kent coast. Two of the three paramount lessons I learnt on this holiday dry run were 1) baby girl’s stomach didn't get on with something in the self sterilising bottles, and 2) pack as many spare clothes for me as her. These were lessons learnt in tandem after a night feed sick that left me with a wet shoulder and smelling like stale milk until morning. The third lesson was that, despite all the cute outfits we'd packed, baby spent most of her time in vests, sun hats and wrapped in a muslin when a shady spot was unavailable. So go hard on the vests! I definitely learned how to look after baby in the heat and when not just at home; something I was apprehensive about.

Pack your carry on accordingly

Aside from my headphones, portable charge, mints, phone, and our passports, my carry on consisted of:

• 3x baby outfits: 1x ‘England’ spare outfit, in case of sicks/poops, plus 2x ‘Spain’ outfits to account for the vast temperature difference, and a spare 

• 1x Mummy spare outfit: in case of baby sick, not Mummy sick, FYI

• Nappies: enough for a full day, in case of delays or lost luggage

• Wipes: both baby wipes for her, and Dettol wipes for cleaning our seating area/baby changing facilities 

• 3x dummies: spares are essential in case of dropping 

• Muslins 

• Milk: enough bottles, in case of delay* 

• Changing mat  

• A toy 

• Birth certificate - If you have a different surname to your child and not travelling with the parent who shares the name, it’s advised you walk with your birth certificate too. 

In the end, I didn't use half of what I packed, but Sods Law, if I didn't have it, we'd have needed it. 

With most airlines, you get two pieces of ‘baby furniture’ included as part of your ticket. I had my buggy base, and car seat attachment (which can also be used as a buggy seat), which we used all the way to the gate. I also had my baby carrier with me to body wear her when we disembarked, as you don't often get your buggy back until baggage reclaim.

*I didn't want to use the plane’s water in her bottles, so pre-made them all before travelling to the airport - some hot, some cold - and kept them in a foiled/cool bag. At security, take out the bottles from the bag, and pop them in the tray next to your 100ml liquids. In UK airports, they will test them (in a very techy, sterile machine), and you'll be on your way. It's no more faff than having your bag checked at security when you've forgotten a liquid in your bag.

Have support around 

This holiday to Orihuela, Alicante, was with my parents and one of my brothers - with my uncle and aunt joining on the last day like a holiday relay race - so I consistently had people around me. They were such a phenomenal support during the day, and my mum even offered to help with the night wake ups, but I declined - it was their holiday too, so it didn't seem fair. My family willingly coordinated swimming with taking care of my girl, so we could all get a turn each day, and seeing their bonds get stronger with my daughter made my heart burst. 

We were also staying in my grandparents’ house, which meant I could organise things like a travel cot ahead of time. To be honest, given the state of statutory maternity pay, this whole trip is down to family support and help - I wouldn't have been able to take it otherwise. 

Accept this holiday might be different than your usual ones…

Despite employing a fair balance of chilling and sightseeing on holiday in recent years, I'm still known in my family for packed holidays of seeing everything an area has to offer. This isn't possible with a baby; we slowed things right down. Even super long hours laying by the pool were reduced, as I had to be mindful of protecting my child from the heat, sun, and mosquitos. This was proven by it being my first summer holiday in the longest while where I've not got a heat rash from being in the sun too long! Bonus!

We still went sightseeing though, heading into Murcia city centre for the day. We visited the Catedral de Murcia, and Museo de Santa Clara, both of which were absolutely gorgeous - and the latter seemed to have lots of sightseers with babies. Who knew those under 1s had such an interest in historical palaces-cum-monestries?! We even got to see the Pink Lake of Torrevieja on our drive back to the airport.

It can quite overwhelming for a little baby to see and do lots of new things every single day though, resulting in that overtired cry before bedtime (IYKYK), so while it might be nice to go out every day and evening as an adult, I wanted some low stimulating days and evenings in for my daughter too.

Also - I guess much like when I used to fill my days abroad with sightseeing - you will be tired on the holiday with a baby so young, even with a great sleeper like mine. In the days, I'm exerting energy swimming laps; in the nights, I'm awake at various points for feeding my bub. 

… But you can still enjoy the best of holiday life 

I would be tired from the wake ups at home anyway, except in Spain, I got to do it with far better weather, palm trees, outdoor swimming, and relaxed days without the daily rigmarole. My daughter is definitely an outdoor girl too; she slept better and ate more than at home after gazing at the bright colours and hearing the sounds of summer in Spain, and generally just being in the restorative Spanish air. We played cards with the family (her and I on the same team obvs), and I ate post-swim Lays and olives, and generally just enjoyed holiday life. I adapted plans a little - for example taking my dip at La Zenia Beach earlier in the morning than I'd normally do, before the sun was at its hottest, to protect my girl from the excessive heat. 

We dined out on multiple evenings, feasting on the classic Spanish fare in various restaurants - hello, seafood paella, patatas bravas, and Gambas pil pil - as well as other cuisines. We headed to different spots, like La Zenia Boulevard, for food and shopping, and Villa Martin for a dinner, and to watch Arsenal game (not my choice lol). I always joke that my daughter likes to look at cocktails while she enjoys her ‘milkerita’, and a restaurant ended up giving us a wine glass to warm her bottle in - a milkerita for true! I didn't love that strangers, although well meaning, kept wanting to touch my child though. I know she's cute, but please admire from a distance!

Record the moments 

At home, my fiance calls me paparazzi due to the amount of photos I take of our daughter. And I will admit, I have probably taken the same amount of photos in the last few months as I took in the last few years prior. I was even worse on this trip! However, I wanted to remember every bit of this holiday, as it felt so special. I want to show her when she grows up. I wanted to capture how her little face lights up as she sees the deep green palm trees sway, or the striking blue pool water ripple. I wanted to immortalise the growth of the bonds developing between her, and her grandparents, and one of her uncles (only one of her uncles was on this trip; she's not playing favourites haha) as they strengthened before my eyes. Hey, I captured her glee at playing cards on my lap simply because it was so damn cute. 

Try not to worry too much 

I am always a bit of a worrier; and my main concerns for this trip were the flights and the mosquitos. However, try not to worry too much. In terms of the flights, on the flight out, my daughter slept all but the last 15 mins and just drank her bottle as we descended. No tears. On the way back, she did absolutely scream her bedtime scream during take off, but after five to ten minutes, she settled into a sleep until we landed and woke her in our movement to disembark. As someone who is usually very anxious in take off and turbulence, I can honestly say this is the first time in decades that I didn't feel the take off, as I was in full mum mode, trying to soothe my child (who my mum held on both flights due to my anxieties around takeoff and turbulence). It's really true: mama bear mode is all encompassing. 

As for the mosquitos, just be prepared and take the right precautions. On our first day, I got 5 mosquito bites on my legs, with a few others added later in the holiday; however, my daughter got no bites the whole trip, thanks to the mosquito net I'd brought for her buggy, and dressing her in longer cool clothes/covering her arms in a muslin when in a t-shirt outdoors. I shifted between the anti-mosquito plug-ins and having the Aircon on in the bedroom to keep them at bay too. It isn't recommended that children sleep too close to plug-ins though, so just be mindful of that.

If you'd have told me ahead of time I'd have to change my daughter’s nappy in the car (parked - and technically my mum did it) or on my hands and knees in regular bathroom (clean; on her changing mat that I always bring), I'd have been worried, but in the moment when these things happened, we did it as best we could for both. Motherhood is all about adapting. I'm glad I had my own mummy both times though, haha.

I am so so glad I took this trip; it has been so incredibly special to spend this time abroad with my daughter - though I did miss her dad even more than I usually do when I holiday without him. I guess it's different now that I have our child with me too. However, I wouldn't trade the time we had on this trip for the world. My daughter has grown in so many ways over the trip - from quite literally in weight and length to new little habits (she did her first ever belly laugh giggle out here!). As mentioned earlier, her bond has grown with my parents and my youngest brother. The hugest thank you to many family members who made this trip happen with their differing contributions. My parents in particular made sure my girl and I wanted for nothing, and we had the most special time.

The realities of the 'fourth trimester': one person's account

Okay, so by definition, there are technically only three trimesters of pregnancy; however, the first three months post-partum have come to be widely referred to as the ‘fourth trimester’. This is a period of huge change, and time to adapt and recover for both mother and baby. I would say this has been the most special period of my life thus far - albeit one of the hardest! There are many things I’ve felt born to do: write, travel… and now be a mother. And not just to anyone, but her. My baby girl in particular.

As I don’t intend to put too much of my daughter online, below I focus more on my experiences of this weird and wonderful time rather than charting her milestones and personality. 

Read my first trimester blog post here.

Read my second trimester blog post here.

Read my third trimester blog post here.

Recovery

I have dedicated a whole blog post to my post-birth recovery. Be kind and patient with your body. It’s gone through something MAJOR for the best part of a year, then heads straight into a period of huge hormone fluctuations, little/broken sleep, readjusting organs, and on most occasions, becoming a food source for another human.

Although I had some fab support at the end of the phone from some friends and family, we limited visitors in our first month or so, and even then, we spaced those visits out. I highly recommend this, if you have a support network at home. I found I was able to heal better by taking it back to the basics: no routine in sight, half dressed most of the day, eating on demand, and no need whatsoever for airs, graces, or being presentable. Our focus was solely our newborn. 

As I had been in and out of hospital in the fortnight prior to childbirth, and a few days after - I even celebrated my own birthday in the hospital this year - I also felt I had some healing to do mentally, so this time helped. You can read most of my birth story here (some bits I haven’t included for all and sundry to read on the internet, haha).

Despite hunkering down at home being good for recovery and a great way to save money for the rest of maternity leave, I did struggle with cabin fever at times. As such, my partner organised a mini staycation - Baby Girl having on her first getaway before she’d even had her two-month birthday isn't a surprise, with her being my child, eh - plus after she’d had her jabs, I started seeking out mum and baby groups to attend together.

The first few weeks 

I'd say specifically the first three weeks were the most life-changing, primal weeks of my life - especially as a first-time mum. It’s an unfathomable experience that can’t really be put into words, but I’ll try to below!

Despite being utterly in love with our new arrival, I was in a high-anxiety fight or flight mode those first weeks. I was also physically recovering from a huge surgery. The adrenaline in my body during this time was immense and, with the constant wake ups too, I was wired. However, during week 3, something just clicked, and I felt like I’d found my feet again. It fell into place. Don't get me wrong, I still sought reassurance when encountering changes, and there was still plenty of adapting to do, but I was far less frenetic (apart from when she was ill after her 8-week jabs… I was Worry McWorryson big time until she recovered). 

While those first three weeks were incredibly tough, I'd say those were actually some of the most special too. When else can you be in a bubble with your partner with no outside noise, no home, social or work admin, just one responsibility - albeit a HUGE one - and you’re looking down at a gorgeous human you created? 

Everything I learnt in the first month of being ‘mum’ blog post here.

‘Symptoms’

Following the format of the last three trimester blog posts: symptoms. There are MANY you can experience, but the main ones I had - aside from c-section-associated pains - were the postpartum sweats; baby blues (thankfully, not for too long - just a day or so when my hormones plummeted); post-birth bleed (thanks to the dinner plate-sized wound in my body where the placenta was); and postpartum hair loss (thanks to the drop in oestrogen). I really thought I’d got away from this last one, but around week 9/10, I noticed more and more hair was coming out when removing a scrunchie, around the house, and onto my daughter… sorry, girl.

Not a symptom so to speak, but something reported to be pretty common: your perspective changes massively post-baby. I look back at that woman who was still trying to work between overnight hospital stays in that last week before maternity leave started, so she wasn't letting anyone else down?! This won’t be me again. My priority is my daughter now: over work, over other commitments I’ve made, over anyone else’s feelings. 

Bonding and building confidence

Every week, there will be something new to navigate, and often, there isn’t one straight answer (no matter how often I try to seek one from my partner or Google lol) as you are dealing with the individuality of a little human. Time spent bonding with my baby is what built my confidence most.

From partway through this trimester, I’d be alone with baby for 8+ hours at least once or twice a week while my partner went into London. The first time, I was a nervous wreck, but as the weeks went on, I could decipher different cries and cues, and beyond our love, my daughter and I got to know each other. Now, it’s second nature. We sing and dance together; her eyes and smile capture my heart every damn day; and it's a full circle moment soothing her with the songs my grandma used to sing long before dementia took hold. Those, and pop/Rnb/Soca tunes. 

Don't listen if anyone says you’re spoiling your baby by holding them too much; they've gone from being encased in you for nine months to being out in the loud, overwhelming world. What's more, it won't be forever! Even within this ‘trimester’, my daughter has gone from always wanting comfort and being held in her wake windows to being perfectly content in her bouncer, or on the baby gym.

I also want to shout out the book Mind Over Mother by Anna Mathus. I'd go as far as to say this book has given me tools for life; and many coping strategies I could have done with even before pregnancy and motherhood. 

The sisterhood of motherhood

The postpartum period really shows you who your true friends are. Those who - regardless of their parental status - are happy for you and want to navigate this new time with you, then those who will ghost you when you need your ‘village’ the most and return (maybe) once it’s time for them to get a photo with the (incredibly cute) baby.

My partner being on a 13-week paternity leave has been an absolute God-send, furthered by his approach to being a father and partner. Also, family: the same ones who held you up as a baby now hold your baby up too. However, this journey would still be overwhelming without the sisterhood of motherhood.

I’ve got two friends in particular - a current colleague in Spain and a former line manager - who have been my sisterhood. Women who have experienced pregnancy and childbirth. Women who have the similar mum wins and worries. Women just know without words. These two are the ones I can text at 2.30am, the ones who will Whatapp or voice note all day between our babies’ nap schedules. The latter with whom I do outings, able to be ‘Tamsin’ and ‘E’ together as we have for years, as well as being ‘Mummy’ and ‘Mummy’ to our bubs who also join us out and about.

Sleep when the baby sleeps

Yeah, do it. And wash the clothes when the baby washes the clothes. And sterilise the bottles when the baby sterilises the bottles… hahaha. Jokes aside, unlike the ‘sleep while you're pregnant’, there is at least some truth to it. But while yes, there are definitely more opportunities to sleep with baby’s nap times and no day job, there is also other stuff to do within this time: be it sterilising, washing, organising appointments, tidying, eating, or self care tasks. I did find newborn tired far more preferable to the pregnancy exhaustion I'd experienced though.

Something sleep related I love is contact naps. Baby sleeping on you. Not only is it just bloody great cuddling your child, but contact naps also have many health benefits, including regulating baby’s breathing, heart rate, and body temperature; increased cognitive development for baby; reduction in stress hormone in baby; and improving milk supply in mum.

Appointments 

Fair warning: in the first fortnight following the baby's birth, there are many appointments. The standard appointments for this ‘trimester’ are as follows:

• Day after you leave hospital with a community midwife (home visit)

• Day 5 with a community midwife (at hospital - I didn’t love this, given I was recovering from a c-section, and car journeys were roughhh)

• Day 10 with a community midwife (at hospital)

• Day 12-14 with a health visitor (home visit) 

• Week 6 with a health visitor (at the clinic)

• Week 6-8 with a GP (at your GP’s surgery) + could include your baby’s 8-week jabs

• Week 12 with a nurse for 12-week jabs.

We also had four more in the early weeks. It felt like a lotttttt.

Breastfeeding 

A lot of experiences were a learning curve in these three months, but probably my steepest learning curve was breastfeeding. It's a whole thing, not just boob in baby’s mouth and done. It can take weeks of specific work and commitment to get to a place where you're providing enough milk for the baby - and even then, it may not happen. I had massive struggles here; you can read more in detail here. While the general rhetoric is breast is best, know that a fed baby is best - whatever way that is!  

Mum Milestones 

In my initial anxious few weeks, a fellow mum and friend said something that helped change my mindset a little: see anything you're nervous about as “ticking off a square on Mum Bingo”. I took joy in this, ticking off things like our first solo outing; first mum meet up; first night just her and I; and first staycation. Even my first time ever leaving the house without my daughter to go to the opticians, 7 weeks after her birth, felt totally alien, but I saw it as another tick. Although I’ve struggled with not wanting to be away from my baby, despite really craving some downtime from the intense responsibility, I've now planned a couple of treats for myself over the next few months, including pre-paying some for when I'm on statutory maternity pay later this year, earning less than half of minimum wage!

In addition, I used milestones as a way to get on with my c section recovery, as it was a slow process: i.e. being able to moisturise my own legs on day 9, getting in the car unaided on day 10, painting my toenails on day 18, or sleeping on my stomach for the first time in about nine months five weeks post c-section.

On the contrary, the milestones you don’t need to acknowledge: when people say “just wait until…” then rattle off something negative. Every stage of this journey is nuanced. Each has its hard bits, and each stage also has its absolutely incredible bits too. 

Embracing a new way of life 

I'm someone who thrives off routine and being “productive”; however, motherhood has taught me to slow down. I'm learning that I don't need to be “productive” all the time - or, in fact, I'm seeing the definition of “productive” differently. Despite this slower way of life, motherhood is harder than any job I’ve had on my CV in the last 14 years. It’s 24/7, and the stakes are a lot higher than manmade KPIs and lining the pockets of faceless CEOs. My days are still packed, but they're packed with the little things that matter (plus the life-productive things; you'll find yourself whizzing around the house to get things done during nap times).

A parent is always anticipating children's needs and analysing risks, like background work in the brain, no matter the time or where they are. Plus, I’m a huge planner and overthinker. Are there enough bottles ready? Has the dummy been sterilised? Did she get enough tummy time today? Is she too hot / too cold? Is there a muslin close, if she sicks? Surely all the vests can’t be in the wash? Is she safe? Has she acted any differently than normal today? What milestones should a baby of this age be hitting? The list goes ON. However, I wouldn’t change this for a thing. My daughter is my world.

As above, it's actually crazy that you can't put motherhood on a CV. I’ve never known such a high pressured role where you have to prioritise between multiple urgent needs for a demanding CEO, who will scream, whether you get it right but not quick enough, and definitely if you get it wrong. Or if you meet one need but not another. Or even if you’ve done everything right, but they’re just not vibing at that moment in time. Oh, and you need to anticipate what they'll need next and when. And the KPI you're being judged on? The survival of this CEO. And yet, somehow, with all this still in mind, they are the best damn CEO you’ve ever had. You love them more than anything else on this planet.

Final thoughts 

One of my biggest takeaways from the last four trimesters is, while there is no original experience in pregnancy and motherhood (i.e for every experience or worry, another 100+ mums will have had it), nothing is ‘textbook’ either - something my partner had said to me throughout. So many of the ‘negative’ things that I believed were common in pregnancy and postpartum didn't happen to me, and the hard stuff I did experience, well, I got through it.

As the official (and unofficial) trimesters come to an end, so does my regular, three-monthly blog posts. I've pretty much covered a full year - wow! Going forward, I'll continue to chronicle my motherhood experiences; however, they'll be in spontaneous, stand-alone blog posts as opposed to these round ups every quarter. I've got some new experiences just around the corner: our first holiday together; my first night apart from baby; the end of my partner’s paternity leave; oh, and surviving without a monthly salary as my full pay comes to an end…  Check back to see how we get on!

Why the UK needs to do better with paternity leave - from a freshly postpartum mum

One of the greatest gifts I received in postpartum didn't come from a family member, or a friend. It came from my partner's workplace. What was it, you may ask? Giving my partner thirteen weeks, fully paid paternity leave. 

By directive of the UK government (at the time of writing), companies are legally required to give two weeks paternity leave, paid £187.18 a week - less than half of minimum wage - or 90% of your salary; whichever is lowest. 

While I'm sure I'll come back to the dismal paternity leave pay in a later blog post - after all, this'll be my pitiful income for six months of my maternity leave too - I specifically want to focus on something that has been garnering plenty of attention in the news of late, as a review of all parental statutory leave takes place. The two weeks leave. 

How does the UK’s paternity leave compare to the rest of the world?

The UK’s current paternity leave allowance came into effect over 20 years ago now, and frankly, it is pretty dated - the fact it has stayed the same since its introduction, instead of moving with the times says everything. A report released by the Women and Equalities Committee earlier this year billed it as one of the worst statutory leave offers in the “developed world” (I have issue with this phrasing, but that’s for another time). 

In Spain, fathers can take up to 16 weeks off work at full pay; in Sweden, families get 480 days of paid parental leave, with 90 of those days specifically earmarked for fathers. Even France’s little 28 paid days is better than the UK’s offering. 

Has my partner’s 13-week paternity leave really been that significant to my postpartum journey?!

In short, yes. My adjustment to becoming a mother, and our daughter’s start in life as a result, would have been a totally different experience.

Recovery 

Thanks to my partner being on paternity leave, my body was able to recover properly following childbirth; I was not forced to be sole carer for our child just two weeks after a major abdominal surgery (although I did do it for about eight hours in this first two weeks when he had to go into London). At two weeks postpartum, I could only just about wash my own legs in the shower, and I still wasn't able to sit up from a laying position without a helping hand. I couldn't get to my daughter at night anywhere near as quick as I'd have liked, and could only hold her in specific positions on my body. As a result of the current statutory paternity leave, many, many babies are in the sole care day in, day out of women who are in pain, unable to move quickly, or bend - and everything to do with properly caring for the baby can exacerbate that even further, meaning these ‘symptoms’ are bound to continue for longer.

One of the recommendations from MPs, in the same report mentioned earlier, suggests six weeks paternity leave as a standard. This is more in line with C-section recovery and is a move in the right direction regardless of the type of birth you’ve experienced. 

Emotional support 

Recovery isn't just about physical health; it's about mental health too. And becoming a parent for the first time is one of the biggest transitions one can experience in life. Add in the absolute chaos that is a woman’s hormones following pregnancy and birth, and any of the mentally challenging stuff that comes with reflecting on any pregnancy complications, and boy, let me tell you, I needed that emotional support. Who better to provide it than the person with whom you share the child (and who is equally as responsible for the situation, eh)? Even with this support, I found the first three weeks postpartum incredibly hard, so I can't even fathom how many women have had to feel as their partners return to work well before this adjustment period is over.

Alongside my partner, I had the support of our parents, and a small number of friends who showed up from the very beginning (rather than just waiting to message once we were having visitors… not cool, guys). However, having the other parent actually present for most of the ‘fourth trimester' meant sometimes words didn't need to be said, when I struggled to string my complex postpartum feelings into a sentence to these comrades (shocking for a journalist, I know). It was the silent removal of the mental and physical load, meaning I could focus on getting better, adjusting to my new life-long role, and being a good mum. No joke, to date, I've only cooked three dinners since I gave birth. It’s been months.

Because my partner is on paternity leave, I'm able to take time whenever I like to be ‘Tamsin’ if I choose to, while she’s in the care of her dad. In turn, it means when I'm in mum mode, I'm able to be the best mum I can be. I should probably do this more often; while my partner has taken his time away from being ‘Daddy’ for social events and London visits, I still struggle with ‘mum guilt’ of taking more than an hour or two out the house away from my child, so have barely done so. While I crave the longer break, I also still crave to be near our daughter - I guess I've been with her 24/7 for the best part of a year at this point (pregnancy included), so any difference feels odd. Also, societal views: no one blinks an eyelid when a dad says he's got a newborn baby at home, yet he’s out and about; but the same isn't expected for a woman. I had a massage a friend got me nine weeks after my daughter's birth; the masseuse asked, in a shocked manner, who was looking after her while I was there. Maybe along with changes to paternity leave will come changes in attitude too - including my own!

Bonding 

So far in this post, I've spoken about me me me and mum mum mum, but a decent paternity leave will do wonders for the bond between the father and child. As with all my articles and blog posts, I don't like to speak for my loved ones here on the internet, so I will only speak on what I've witnessed. Our daughter is enamoured with her dad. She's equally soothed by either one of us. She had skin to skin with her dad from the date of her birth, she's seen him every single day of her life thus far for multiple hours a day. Everything I've encountered - from frowns to fevers - he has too, so unlike the stereotype of a father needing directive from the mother while caring for the child, this is far from the truth in our household. In fact, especially in those beginning weeks, I looked to him for guidance. This bonding time sets up the Daddy/daughter relationship for life; and frankly, the government is doing dads an injustice within their family structure by only providing them two weeks leave.

What's more, many relationships come under strain in the throws of newborn life, and while yes, we definitely did have our moments of being short with each other - hey, having just two hours sleep will do that to the strongest of humans - because my partner had more than two weeks leave, we could truly focus on creating and adjusting to what our new family and home set up looked like without any outside noise of work stressors, or hosting other people: our focus day in, day out was predominantly us! 

I could go on and on about why the government needs to change the UK paternity leave system. And the maternity leave system. AND THE MATERNITY PAY. But motherhood calls. After all, in postpartum, what is the most important thing? Why are we’re even talking about this in the first place? Her.

Why the f did no one tell me how hard breastfeeding is?!

As someone who had never looked after a baby by themselves, ever, having my daughter has been a steep learning curve. A magical, scary, wonderful, overwhelming,  head-over-heels-in-love learning curve. The biggest lesson of all so far, though? Breastfeeding and everything it entails.

For all the images in the media, for all the chats I had with mothers during and before pregnancy, for all the leaflets about ‘breast is best’, no one warned a sister that breastfeeding is not as simple as putting baby to breast and they drink it?! I’ve believed this my whole life - well as long as I’ve been aware of breastfeeding as a concept, anyway - and the fact this isn’t the case has genuinely been the biggest shock of motherhood thus far.

Now, don’t get me wrong, it won’t be hard for everyone, but the more I speak to my mum friends about my breastfeeding troubles, the more I’ve heard “oh, I had this problem too”, “my friend experienced this when she had her child”, or “I didn’t struggle with that aspect of breastfeeding, but I struggled with this other aspect”. Below is an article I’d have loved to have read prior to starting my breastfeeding journey, so hopefully it can help others who find themselves in a similar position to me.

Please note, I am not a medical professional; everything I’ve written below is based solely on my own experiences, so of course, take my advice with a pinch of salt/do your own research/seek medical advice if needed.

What does it take to breastfeed?

Even if you have no issues, whatsoever, it is still a skill. In order for a baby to drink milk, you need to a) get them to latch properly (how exactly they have the nipple/breast in their mouth), and b) you need to have the milk supply to feed them.  

At the hospital (or I imagine at home if you have a homebirth), the staff will show you how to get a proper latch on your first day/night/following morning with your baby. You can also attend antenatal classes during your pregnancy. While the breastfeeding antenatal class I attended covered latching on, and colostrum harvesting - your very first ‘milk’, kind of like a concentrated squash version before your milk properly comes in - it didn’t cover low milk supply, so I did not even think this could be an issue.

Why did I find it hard?

As it goes, my main issue with breastfeeding is a low milk supply. While my colostrum came in fine, and baby girl mostly latched on well, it became evident early on my milk supply wasn’t keeping up with baby girl’s hunger. Due to some of the circumstances surrounding her birth, the hospital had encouraged us to do ‘top up’ bottle feeds after breastfeeding from birth. As such, when girly pop would become frustrated and not getting fed enough from my body, and I would get upset that she was hungry and I was unable to feed her enough, we defaulted to bottle pretty quickly. Add in the ease of the bottle overnight, meaning either parent could feed her while the other slept, sometimes breast would be skipped altogether. This didn’t help the milk supply situation (it’s a supply and demand thing; the more baby drinks, the more your body is signalled to make).

What did I do?

Initially, I felt a lot of mum guilt. Why was my body letting my daughter and I down?! Why wasn’t it doing what it was meant to do?! Was it my fault?! I carried this heavy weight and mindset for a fair bit, even after I decided to take action. There were a lot of tears (hers when hungry, mine in frustration at my body… which is wrong because it kept my daughter safe for nine months, birthed her safely, and gives her comfort).

However, after some days wallowing, I thought “let me give this my best shot” (or is that breast shot?)!! If after that, I still am unable to breastfeed or properly combination feed (breast + bottle), then at least I know I really tried, and my daughter is still getting all the nutrition she needs from formula, and will get it from food later this year too. 

In order to try and build my milk supply, here is what I did (and some I continue to do):

• Reach out for support. First things first, as I said in the intro, I ain’t no medical professional. While there is an array of support available to new mums in community midwives, health visitors, lactation specialists, and community drop in sessions, I cannot sing the praises of the National Breastfeeding Helpline enough. You can call them or DM them on social media 24/7, and they are so friendly, helpful, supportive, and a wealth of knowledge. I reached out to them on multiple occasions, and they truly take the time to give you bespoke advice to your situation.

• Hand express or pump regularly during the day. Coupled with breast massage and breast compressions, I set daily reminders on my phone, and hand expressed or pumped regularly each day. It's recommended to do this every two to three hours to build supply, but in all honesty I a) didn't have the energy and b) didn't want to expend all the remaining energy I did have on this, instead of bonding with my child… after all, I'll never get this newborn time back! It really helped that we didn't have too many visitors in baby’s first six weeks or so (something we'd set) as it meant I could do this without feeling self conscious (not that you should feel self conscious!). Once I was filling a syringe or two regularly, I tried electric pumping, but for some reason, this didn't yield as “good” results for me.

• Have realistic expectations. It was pretty disheartening to hear other mums say (or post on social media) that they struggled with supply, and then show 10/20ml of milk for it, while I was literally only getting 0.2ml or so mls out my tatas at each expressing/pumping session nearly a month after my daughter’s birth. I needed to accept this was a long-term commitment, and I wouldn’t be a fountain of milk overnight. In order to not get obsessed and focus on this instead of my daughter, I set a deadline for the following month that if I was still only seeing droplets, rather than even a small drinkable amount, I would stop and just bottlefeed. This gave me a goal.

• Skin to skin. Literally having your baby’s skin touching your skin has some exceptional benefits for both mother and baby (and some for father and baby too). It helps regulate a baby's temperature, heart rate, and breathing; increases bonding; and crucially here, helps stimulate breastfeeding. I loved having skin to skin with my daughter anyway, her laying on my chest sleeping or doing tummy time when awake, so this was just an added benefit!

• Putting her to the breast before each bottle feed (or as many as you remember to). Yep, even if it was only for a minute or two each time before we both wanted to cry. I became a bit more lax with this for a short period, which was probably a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I ensured to pick this back up.

• Drink more water. Breastmilk is water based, so I made sure to drink more water than I probably normally would.

Timeline

So, bear in mind each person is totally different, I’m putting the below because it’s something I’d have loved to see myself when starting this journey. Don’t take this as gospel, because there are so many variables at play person to person. Here’s roughly what my timeline looked like, once I committed to the above:

1. In the first two to three days, there was nothing. Not a dribble in any hand expression or pumping session, and baby girl wasn’t drinking from breast.

2. Following this, for about a week, I’d get a few drops out in hand expression or pumping session. I had a couple of times when baby girl latched on and drank for more than 60 seconds during this time, and I felt such a sense of achievement when she got even a droplet of the milk ‘made for her’. This encouraged me to keep going!

3. During the following three weeks, I started to collect the droplets of milk in colostrum syringes, and eventually started filling around 1-2 syringes per session every so often - but not consistently! However, this was still super encouraging to keep going. While I did try to get baby girl to go to breast a fair few times, I did find it super painful and she would still get frustrated that it wasn't as quick as a bottle.

4. After around a month after starting to really commit to the above to build milk supply, I decided to buy an electric pump. Not only is it meant to help stimulate milk flow, but as baby had started to have longer wake windows, and I was almost back to full health after childbirth via c-section, expressing/pumping manually at set times each day became unrealistic with the delights and demands of the day. Unfortunately, this yielded worse results than hand expression had. 

5. After some soul searching, reaching the ‘deadline’ I’d mentioned earlier in this post, and another encouraging conversation with my partner, I took a break from the pumping and breastfeeding, and the pressure around it all for a good five days, unsure if I’d return to it. This break really showed me that baby girl being fed and happy is the most important thing, and all this pressure I'd been putting on myself took away some of the attention I should have been giving my daughter, and imposed a routine, when me and baby girl should have been enjoying the absence of one in the newborn phase. 

6. I, on a whim, decided to pump about a week later. This was genuinely the most fruitful pump I’d had in weeks, probably because I had relaxed. There and then, I decided I’d pump once a day, not bound by a set time, and put baby girl to breast when I could, and whatever I got is what I’d give my daughter - even it was 1ml (which it was on many occasions). She was still getting milk made for her; yes, it might not have been the realms and realms of milk it should be at this point by NHS standards, but as I am combination feeding, my daughter is still getting some small benefits of breastmilk (even one drop has tens of thousands of antibodies) and being fed well through her formula too.

Where am I now?

While all the things I tried actually did help build milk supply (very) slowly but surely, I found the pressure and the routine of pumping to impact our newborn stage in other ways disproportionately. As such, for now, I am doing point six as above - a pump a day and putting baby to breast regularly each day. Her latch is brilliant now, and the pain isn’t as much as it was before for me. I hope to continue this plan until she starts solids. Perhaps between now and then, my supply will become a half decent amount, but if not, I am content with the fact my girl has a satisfied stomach, is getting comfort, and I gave breastfeeding a damn good shot. 

I am also proud of myself for committing and still continuing to stick at it, as both physically and mentally, it was not - and is not - easy! I’m well aware I haven't even covered other topics around breastfeeding, like engorgement, and breastfeeding in public, but I really wanted to make this piece about building milk supply as it was a topic little touched on that I'd have loved to read at the beginning of my journey.   

7 essentials that helped me recover after a c-section

Although I spent the majority of my pregnancy preparing for a spontaneous vaginal delivery, and had bought a lot of the products associated with this ahead of time, I ended up birthing my daughter via c-section. As such, a lot of these products went unused in my hospital bag or on the shelf in the office-cum-nursery.

To save your bag and shelf the same fate: if you’re planning to have a c-section, or simply want to be prepared for all options, here are the essentials that actually did help me during my recovery post c-section surgery.

1. Cushions

Specifically a doughnut and a pregnancy pillow. The doughnut cushion was a purchase for when I thought I’d be having a vaginal delivery, but it was still super helpful for the car journey home from the hospital post c-section. The UK roads are bumpy as hell, and the cushion acted as a shock absorber.

The pregnancy pillow, which had been a hand-me-down from a dear friend for use during pregnancy, was also super helpful in the first week to mimic being propped up as you would be in a hospital bed. I could also bring the long side of the cushion round my body to protect my scar while breastfeeding.

It’s quite hard to get up from a complete laying position post c-section, so this cushion was a lifesaver; this difficulty lasted a good five or so weeks for me, but was at its worst in the first week. After this time, I used the bed frame/my partner’s arm/a long rolling manoeuvre to get up instead.

2. Frida disposable underwear

I wore these for nearly three weeks after my c-section - they’re super comfortable, high waisted to avoid the scar, breathable for the scar’s healing, and disposable, so you can save on washing (they may not be the most planet-friendly though, so when you’re ready, perhaps graduate to a bigger-than-you’d-normally-wear regular high waisted knickers).

3. Step ladder

As a petite lady, I need a step ladder in my own kitchen, post partum, or not; however, I got good use of it in the bathroom in the first couple of weeks post c-section too. Where we have a bathtub, rather than a shower cubicle, I had to use a step ladder to get my legs over the side of the bath for a good couple of weeks (with the added assistance of my partner for the first few days) due to my recovering abdomen muscles.

Shooting a few light hoops at six weeks post partum

4. Pads

No matter how baby comes into the world, you will have a post-birth bleed for up to six weeks as the wound left behind by the placenta needs to heal. This will appear like a period, varying from heavy to light at different times - it’s not linear - and it can increase based on your mobility over time. It’s not advised to use tampons during this time.

5. People

They say it takes a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to look after the mother, especially in the first few weeks post partum. To help physically, I had my fiance and parents in most of the first week, and my fiance and my own stubborn will to get about thereafter. To help mentally, I had my fiance and family, of course, as well as some good friends. Whether it’s the consistent support of my best friend, no matter the situation, in the last 14 years, or newer friendships formed due to shared experiences of birth/motherhood, my support network has been invaluable during this period of huge change.

It is said that your friendship groups will shrink when you become a mother. I both agree and disagree with this; instead, they’ve changed a little. I have been surprised by the silence of some friends who haven’t reached out unless I message first (and, of course, this is a lower priority than it would have been pre-baby). However, I have also been surprised by a number of old friends/colleagues/uni mates who I hadn’t spoken to in years reaching out, some repeatedly, to check in and offer supportive words, if needed. Life changes, people have their own sh*t, I guess!

I have utmost respect for single mothers who do this without a partner, as I relied on mine very heavily post partum; both emotionally and physically. From the humbling experience of needing him washing my legs the day after I was discharged from hospital to the daily meals he’s cooked, or simply him being with our daughter, so I can type out this very blog post, I quite frankly couldn’t have managed this period without him. I also have a LOT of thoughts on how short the standard paternity leave is. It is no where near enough, but that’s a blog post for another day.

6. Movement

Initially, the last thing you’ll want to do is move when recovering from a c-section, but there’s a reason they advise it in the hospital. Slowly but surely, movement will heal you. Start small: getting up from the bed is a huge feat at first. Eventually, taking the stairs as you normally would feels like the biggest achievement. Before long, you’ll be taking short walks outside the house. My partner and I would take near daily walks with our daughter in the buggy just in the neighbouring streets, before eventually working my way up to the local park in week 5. I swam a couple of laps on week 6 and it felt amazing…

7. Patience

I was getting quite frustrated when I couldn’t get up for my child quickly in the night, even a couple of weeks in, or would need help lifting things that I’d have normally been able to do on any given day, like the hoover. However, there’s a reason the recovery time is six weeks minimum: c-sections are major abdominal surgeries! I tried to instead take joy in the little milestones: being able to moisturise my own legs on day 9, getting in the car unaided on day 10, painting my toe nails on day 18, or sleeping on my stomach for the first time in about nine months five weeks post c-section.

It’s worth noting, while they say physical c-section recovery is six weeks, this isn’t a hard deadline. I, for one, still have complete numbness on the outside of my lower stomach, and get some internal pain when getting up after laying down or sitting for a long period of time. Overall though, while recovery was tough, it was pretty manageable: it encouraged me to slow the hell down!

20 things I learnt in the first month of being a mum

Transitioning from a pregnant woman to a mother of one has been a huge adjustment. A magical, overwhelming, exciting, scary, adoring, can’t-believe-how-blessed-I-am adjustment. It really is the most life-changing and fragile period.

As such, I’ve encountered many new thoughts and experiences in my first month of being a mum, and I’ve learnt A LOT. Below is everything I learnt in the first month of being a mum… wellllll, most things. Hey, “everything I learnt in the first month of being a mum that I remembered to jot down in my notes app, blurry eyed from the newborn bubble” doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it?

About babies…

1. Babies are noisy sleepers

Babies will grunt, cry out, wriggle, reach out, and more in their sleep. This was such a shock to me; I was jumping up to tend to her the first few nights to find out that she was properly asleep still. Whoever coined the phrase “sleep like a baby” clearly had never had a baby. They do sleep up to 19 hours a day in the first few weeks though, so maybe that’s what they meant?

2. Burping a baby takes the patience of a saint

And when you get that burp, you’ll feel like you’ve won the lottery!

3. Sneezing and congestion as a newborn is normal

Especially for a c-section baby, who hasn't… erm… had the fluids squeezed out of them during birth. I was SO paranoid my daughter was ill or couldn't breathe in the night!

4. Their farts can cause them pain… but it’s okay

I felt so helpless seeing my daughter cry when passing wind; but it’s totally normal with their immature digestive systems. If it becomes more concerning though, speak to your health visitor and they can advise on what you can do.

5. Babies can't regulate their own temperature

So, you’ll spend ages over-analysing what your child is wearing to sleep/go out/watch EastEnders on the sofa, especially in those first couple of weeks.

6. Like vampires, baby's shouldn't be in direct sunlight until a year old 

Hats, parasols, your hand will all become your best friend to protect their delicate skin.

7. Babies can’t drink tap water

Which, for a human that hiccups a lot, surprised me! They also can’t eat honey (not that they’d be doing that in the first month anyway; you start to wean at around six months).

8. Babies will lose weight after birth

‘Getting back to birth weight’ is something you’ll hear at your day 5 and day 10 community midwife appointments (and further along with the health visitor if baby isn’t back to birth weight by then, I imagine); it’s totally normal for them to lose weight in the first few days Earthside.

9. Put the ‘frilly bits’ outside the nappy

A hot tip from a fellow mum, make sure you fold the frilly bits of the nappy around the legs outwards. This should (but not always!) help prevent a nappy leak.

10. So many anxiety-inducing things that happen to a baby in the first month are actually totally normal

I feel like I prepared a lot for birth, but not for what came after, and as a result, anything that changed day to day would have me on high alert. However, after asking my partner/mum/mum friends/Google “is this normal?”, every single concern I had this month about baby came back “yes, it is normal”.

About motherhood…

11. Motherhood will reveal an innate ability to create songs at the drop of a hat

Morning, noon, or night, I somehow come up with multiple jingles a day. Ask me to freestyle pre-birth, and I would have froze. Get me to that karaoke booth, stat!

12. The hormone drop in the first fortnight is very real

You will experience a massive hormone drop at some point in the first fortnight, and boy, it’ll crash hard. Mine came on day 9, which, unfortunately, coincided with my first time solo parenting, and I literally cried all day long. It’s totally normal though, and you’ll feel much better in a day or two.

13. You will simultaneously have more time than you think, and less time than you think

Babies sleep a lot in the first month, so you’d think “hey, in the absence of work, I’ll have a lot of free time.” On some days, this felt true: once a week during nap times I’d wash my hair (I finally did my curly hair routine for the first time post-birth when my daughter was three week old), or write a blog post like this one while baby girl is with her dad downstairs.

A lot of the time though, nap times will fly by in a blur of sterilising, clothes washing, brushing one’s teeth, pumping milk, general life admin that needs to be done. Don’t get me started on “sleep when the baby sleeps”; this does happen sometimes, but can’t happen all the time! Also, sometimes, you’d rather do something for yourself during that nap time than sleep.

14. Breastfeeding is really f-ing hard

I’ve got another blog post on this in the works, so I won’t go too heavy here, but it really isn’t as simple as putting baby to your breast, and they’ll drink. It feels like the biggest myth of child bearing. There is so much to contend with, like latching, milk supply, building milk supply (which takes a lot of commitment), soreness, engorgement…

15. Spilling breastmilk feels like the worst thing ever in the world

Leading on from the point above, because of the strife, spilling breastmilk can literally feel like you’ve been sent to hell.

16. There is such a sisterhood in motherhood

I can’t remember if I saw this on a reel, a Netflix show, or in a soap (lol, my brain is tired, okay): “motherhood is the least original experience.” What they meant is that if you’re experiencing something, it’s very very likely another 100+ mothers have too.

I don’t live too close to my friends or family, but since giving birth, many female friends/acquaintances/former colleagues/even a former course mate from university who have children themselves have reached out with supportive words and anecdotes. I have also found myself in a Facebook group for first-time mums in the UK, and see daily comments and conversations of solidarity.

I have to give a special shout out to two mums in particular: a former line manager (and since friend) of mine and a current colleague in Spain, both of whom gave birth themselves this year, and have been my absolute lifelines when it comes to all things ‘first time mum’.

17. Your mother instincts may take a hot second to come in

Much like breastfeeding, a common myth perpetuated in life is that as soon as you give birth, your mothering instincts will kick in. For some, perhaps it will, but for a lot of us, it’ll take a hot second. While I felt an instant need to protect and care for my daughter, and that I loved this little cute human, I didn’t feel instantly like I knew her, or how to care for her. If I’m honest, my body felt on high alert, in fight or flight mode, for at least the first fortnight. It’s only now in the last week or two that I feel totally comfortable being solely responsible for her at home, and that I’m actually finding my feet as a mother.

18. This love is totally different to anything you’ll have every felt before

Everyone has always said this: the love you feel for your child is inexplainable, and you have to experience it to understand. I finally get it. I cannot put into words the innate, complex, all-encompassing love I feel for my daughter, but it’s the most powerful feeling I’ve ever felt.

19. You will crave some time to yourself, but then miss your child or feel mum guilt when you get it

Despite really wanting to paint my nails or write blog posts like this, I miss my daughter when I’m doing these things. I want to go and check on her, and cuddle her, even though she’s perfectly fine with her dad downstairs. I also am constantly thinking “maybe I should be pumping milk, instead of doing this” or “I shouldn’t waste this bonding time with her while she’s awake on something less important.” Forget ‘Velcro baby’, maybe I’m a ‘Velcro mum’!

20. Your body isn’t just your body anymore - but that isn’t a bad thing

It can feel like a lot when your body is still in pain weeks after giving birth, or hurts from feeding baby, but remember, ultimately, your body is now also someone else’s safe place, their ground zero, their home. It’s where they lived for nine months, where they can come back to (albeit on, rather than in, lol) when the big noisy world with all its sights and smells are too much.

Initially, I was very hard on my body, due to some of the circumstances surrounding my daughter’s birth, and my struggles with breastfeeding, but I realise, how can I criticise this vessel that literally brought life into the world, and continues to provide comfort to my most precious thing?

Also, and this probably isn’t very politically correct of me to say these days, but after being pregnant for nine months, you’ll feel the skinniest you’ve felt in ages haha! I wore a crop top, something I’d never have worn pre-pregnancy, to register my daughter’s birth!

About myself…

BONUS POINT. This month really has been the strangest of my life… and I’ve had some strange times in the last 30-odd years; however, ultimately, it has made me realise I am stronger than I know. Despite the crisis of confidence, despite the anxiety, despite the worries, my daughter and I are thriving at the end of month 1. I can’t credit that all to myself (my partner is phenomenal, I have a good support network, and my daughter herself is an absolute dream), but as Snoop Dogg says “last but not least, I want to thank ME!”

I built this little life with my very own body, I birthed her from my body, I continue to provide comfort for her with this body, still have it operate for me too, and do it all on a lot of broken sleep! Even as I type this though, and despite being pregnant for the best part of a year, I still can’t quite believe this human being grew and came out of my body?!

A final thought - though one I must admit I have poached from a friend, who reassured me when I had my day 9 hormone drop: reframe anything you’re worried about as 'mum bingo’. Everything is an opportunity to mark off another square on your mum bingo card. Solo parenting for a day? Ticked. Leaving her alone in her Moses basket while popping to the bathroom? All good. First poonami? Nailed ittttt (that was super gross though… how does poop get so high up?!)

My birth story: one woman's experience of birth

My birth story starts at my routine 36-week midwife appointment, a little over a week before my daughter entered the world. It has ups, downs, overnight hospital stays with no baby, false starts, and a LOT of driving for my partner thrown in for good measure. I’ve chosen to omit certain details and contexts for privacy; some bits are just too personal to publish on the internet!

My daughter's birth is completely different to what I’d planned and prepped for in all the months of my pregnancy leading up to it, but it's our story - they say birth is a transformative experience, and it truly was.

The 36-week appointment 

On a nice warm Tuesday morning, at the start of my work day, I set my Slack status as ‘medical appointment - back no later than 10.15am’. Little did I know, haha. It was my last week of work before mat leave; a maternity leave I'd brought forward by a week purely because I'd woken up after the Easter Bank Holiday with the gut instinct to do so. I'm SO glad I did. 

Anyway, I left the house for the short amble to the GPs surgery with nothing more than my phone, keys, bankcard, and maternity notes. My partner was on an office day in London, so I was attending the appointment on my own, something I was more than happy to do, as while we had been under consultant-led care for most of the third trimester, this was just a routine appointment. I'd had a pretty easy ride for the first two trimesters of pregnancy (apart from exhaustion), and even the third trimester’s issues had felt pretty manageable with a few amendments to my life. 

At the appointment, a few of my tests threw up some light concerns for the midwife. Nothing too dramatic, but she was like “better we take the safe than sorry approach; I'll ring up the maternity day unit (MDU) and let them know to expect you for a few more tests”. I hopped in a cab from the GP surgery with a little trepidation, but not toooooo worried, and off I went to the hospital. The cabbie was lovely, and we spoke about parenthood and life in both London and Sussex along the way. 

Hospital stay(s) before baby’s arrival 

As I got to the MDU, and was hooked up to various monitors for baby’s health, and had bloods, urine, and blood pressure taken for mine, I did start to get a little more concerned, and as such, my partner made his way to the hospital - his commute that Tuesday was literally four times the amount of time he'd actually spent in the office, haha. During this time on my own, the midwives and doctors advised that I'd be staying for the next 24 hours for monitoring due to the results my body was giving them, which of course, made me anxious (for me and baby, but also because it meant I wasn't packing my own overnight bag!!). I will say though, I bagged a decent bay on the ward: an end one with a large window and a fan! And because it was a hot day, the food staff even brought around ice lollies. The way each of the women in this ward lit up at this treat, you'd think none of us had ever seen an ice lolly before.

The overnight stay wasn't great: while the staff were absolutely fantastic and very friendly, the bed and pillow was not comfy, nor was the situation. Generally, I was awake with worry, and as me and my fellow patients needed monitoring throughout the night, we’d be woken up by staff for the checks they needed to do on us. It was like a clean, medical hostel, and y'all know I'm strictly a hotel girl!!! 

Thankfully, I was discharged on Wednesday afternoon. Unfortunately, it was with a diagnosis of mild pre-eclampsia. I wouldn't be having the spontaneous natural birth I’d planned for the entire pregnancy. The doctor doing the ward rounds tried to push me for an induction - something I'd been against for the whole time - but I used the skills I'd learnt in my hypnobirthing course to advocate for myself and my baby. Both the doctor on ward rounds the day before, and my ex midwife mum, had stated C-section was another option, and in the end, I opted for that. I was a little sad I wouldn't be having the birth I'd planned for; however, ultimately, I just wanted my daughter here safely. The doctors gave me medication, a few more test appointments, a plan for the baby's birth, and I went on my way. 

After a good night's sleep in my own bed, and set up to do my last day of work pre maternity leave on Thursday, I received a call that my Friday scan had been moved up to a couple of hours’ time. Again, I thought this was part and parcel - though a little anxious from the last 48-hour experience, so my partner joined me. The sonographer was not happy with the results of the scan and the health of my placenta, and back to MDU I was sent for monitoring. So ended my last work day pre baby, pretty unceremoniously. 

The almost birth 

As a result of the monitoring on the return to the MDU, I was readmitted to the ward, with a pretty big change: I'd be having my baby in just over 12 hours’ time. This wasn't we'd expected to hear, and I think the midwife could see the panic rising in my face, as she let me go home for a few hours with the promise to return before my next checks were due. Although I ate (and washed my hair… baby girl needed to see mummy's curls on POINT, even though her sight will be next to nothing lol), I don't think I fully digested what was happening. I think this'll be my biggest learning curve in motherhood: big plans changing frequently at a moment's notice. The fact it was all changing now, and I was going to have my first child and first ever surgery much sooner than I’d anticipated had me panicking. It was then another overnight stay in the hospital for me…

Nil by mouth from midnight, I was monitored throughout the night, and prepped early in the morning with my medications, fetching compression socks, and gown. The anaesthetist came and explained the procedure to me, and my fiance returned to the hospital, with us both ready to meet our child. My parents were on their way down the M25. We were told we were next or second after the next person. My anticipation was off the charts - both excitement to meet our daughter but anxiety about being operated on and the recovery to come afterwards. Then the consultant came. He'd reviewed my case and felt confident that it would actually be safer to hold off on baby's birth, and keep her in me a little longer. I felt a lot of confusion. And hunger. I stuffed my face less than five minutes after that conversation.

The consultant did another few checks himself, and recommended daily hospital monitoring in the interim, alongside medication and bed rest. After a few more tests, I was once again discharged from hospital. 

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this situation. I understand the reasoning for holding off, and actually with all context taken into consideration it makes the most sense. I can also recognise that all this chopping and changing is a result of being in multiple different doctors and midwives care, and their own professional opinions of the results and situation at hand. I can see it as a trial run for the real thing. However, I can't dismiss the mental impact of the situation. For about 16 or so hours, I thought I was about to have major surgery and had all the mental anguish and nerves that come with that - especially as someone who hasn't even had so much as a filling, and never been admitted to hospital before this week. My fiance and I thought we were leaving that hospital with our baby the next time we’d be driving away, that we'd be meeting our daughter and holding our child in our arms. And we didn't.

The actual birth 

Less than a week later, it was ding ding ding, round two!!! I went into this round feeling far more excitement, and less trepidation, than I'd had on Friday’s ‘almost birth', because I'd actually had time to process the situation and mentally prepare for what was about to happen. We had a pre-op appointment a few days before the birth, which was super reassuring; they did all the tests on me (by this point, I'd been poked and prodded by medical staff for five days straight, so what's a few more tests), and I was able to ask as many questions as I liked - and you know me, Ms Journalist, I did just that!

Everything just felt so much better and calmer. I felt prepared for what was to come, despite a little freak out just before they put the cannula in my hand, as it all became real. Top tip: cannulas can be pretty uncomfortable to insert, but by adding Emla cream an hour before, it will make insertion pain free (though I can't promise that for the rest of the time it's in your hand…). I had various doctors, anaesthetists, and midwives come and talk to me, and the vibe was good. Unfortunately, there was a last-minute change and those who had introduced themselves to us were no longer doing the surgery, which upped the anxiety a little - more so given the ‘almost birth’, but within an hour of this news, we had a new team. 

We walked over to the theatre and again, I started to freak out as I sat on the bed of what looked like a dentist surgery; however, my partner was excellent with his reassurance, as were the theatre staff. They answered my questions, and talked me through bits when I wanted to know what they were doing to me, but didn't overly explain bits I didn't want to know. They put on music we requested to make me feel at ease, and let me manage the situation in my own way (which was talk through the sensations I was feeling until I had my baby in my arms to distract me). The student midwife who has been shadowing my entire pregnancy came and scrubbed in; it was so good to have another recognisable face amongst the scrubs. 

While I am keeping the more specific details of my daughter's first moments private, I will say the c section surgery wasn't anywhere near as bad as I had built up in my head. You seriously don't feel any pain - in fact, you don’t feel anything that you'd associate with what is actually happening to your body. Even the pressure they tell you you’ll feel isn't a bad pressure; genuinely, the cannula is what caused me most discomfort in that whole surgery. I had also been apprehensive about the catheter, but you seriously don't feel a thing on insertion or removal; and for the first time in months, it meant I didn't have to get up frequently for the loo (not that I could with my numb legs anyway)! The staff in the theatre and the initial recovery area (which you're in for a couple hours straight after surgery) run a tight ship - I didn't see a drop of my own blood in over 12 hours despite having literally been cut open and given the person inside of me. Baby even made it out in time to watch her first Arsenal game with Daddy!

Recovery 

Before even being pregnant, I already disliked how people call c-sections the ‘easy way out’: birthing a child is never “easy.” Having now had a c-section myself, I despise this false narrative even more. Yes, the birth process itself is easier than natural labour, but the recovery more than makes up for that lack of labour. It's the same as recovery from any major surgery - arguably more difficult than a natural birth, and it is far longer. 

Recovery was something I'd worried about when my ‘birth plan’ changed to c-section. The next few hours after the c-section were fine. I still had the anaesthetic coursing through my body, I had my catheter in, so I didn't need to move for anything (not that I could anyway until the anaesthetic on my lower body wore off), and I was also on a natural high from having met my daughter. Baby and I were under regular-ish observation (more on this later). 

Day 2. Boy. I am such an advocate not to spread birth horror stories - positive birth stories were all I sought out during pregnancy - but I will say, openly and honestly, the day that follows a c-section is very hard. There's no two ways about it. You'll be in an unbelievable amount of pain - plus I had an infection, which didn't help as well. I begged for morphine. You can barely move yet have a small person to look after, and even feed from your own broken body. Thankfully, I had her Dad and my own parents; I don’t know how anyone would do it on their own - even on a hospital ward - and have the utmost respect for those who do. 

However, every day after day 2 is SO much better (at least in my experience). You won’t be running any marathons anytime soon (hell, you won’t be running ANYWHERE, you’ll be shuffle-walking with as much speed as a snail), but it gets easier day by day. I'm writing this blog post five days after having my daughter, and I can honestly say the pain is manageable, and I'm ambling about at home as I normally would, just much, much slower and needing assistance for many things I wouldn’t normally. It truly is a humbling experience taking your sweet time to do something that normally would take you 20 seconds, like getting out of bed; or having to get someone to help you into a bathtub and wash your legs in your thirties. Even the post birth bleed that you get whether you deliver your baby vaginally or via c-section, hasn’t been as bad as I expected; though I have been advised it will come and go, heavier and lighter, over the next six weeks. I will say laughter isn’t the best medicine in this situation - laughter hurts!!!

I did feel overwhelmed at the thought of having to get into a car five days after a c-section to go to the five-day postnatal appointment (I asked for it to be at home and they said it isn't possible despite being ‘community’ midwives), but equally, it was good to get out of the house. The journey wasn’t near as bad as the journey from hospital to home, but boy, UK, we need to fix our roads!

The Staff 

Leading on nicely from the mention of the postnatal appointment. Although this birth has been an overall positive experience, all things considered, our experience with medical professionals has been so so. I will say it has almost felt as though the moment I stopped being a pregnant woman, the care factor dropped. We had some really lovely staff who cared for me and baby during our two-day stay in hospital that followed baby’s birth (shout out to Natalie, Carol, Sophie and Karen!!!), but unlike what I'd been used to the rest of my pregnancy, there were also some less than lovely staff and some lack of care I hadn't experienced prior. 

On that first night, I had to press the bell and call for someone twice, once to say my catheter hadn’t been checked in nearly 12 hours and the second to remind them to empty it as the first person had promised. I was there in the middle of the night, eyeing up my bag full of urine getting only bigger and bigger at the end of my bed, and trying to reduce my water intake as I didn't want it to back up back into me. I also didn't love being told that I “was lucky I didn't have to feed an 8 pound baby” or “this is your first child; the post birth uterine contractions are much worse by baby number 3” when I complained of pain a mere 8 hours after being cut open on an operating table. Nor did I enjoy being in so much pain the morning after the C-section that I was bawling my eyes out, calling the bell numerous times with no response, a lactation specialist requesting pain relief for me herself (and still not getting it an hour later), and eventually receiving a vial of oral morphine tossed at me with only a “confirm your date of birth” and “this means you can't go home today” despite being in clear distress. Don't even get me started on what we faced at the point of discharge. Again, I do feel the reasoning behind these issues we faced were a combination of the NHS being understaffed/overworked and that there is no consistency in care - we were seen by sooooo many staff members during our stay - but equally, I can't excuse that either: we’re there to be cared for too. I think it was even more a shock to the system because even up to the hospital stays in the MDU leading up to the birth, even in the damn operating theatre, the staff had been so lovely and committed to caring, both physically and emotionally.

My final thoughts 

I'd heard the term “birth disappointment” thrown about throughout my pregnancy, where people spoke of being disappointed by not getting to have the birth experience that they wanted. I couldn't understand it to be honest: aren't you happy your baby has been born safely? Not everything has to be an ✨experience✨that we review. I definitely didn't have birth disappointment, but I felt a huge sense of being ill prepared for what was about to happen to me, my baby, and my body, with the ‘almost birth’. I'd spent the entire second trimester and most of the third trimester preparing to have a spontaneous vaginal birth. I'd done the hypnobirthing courses, gone to the antenatal classes, read the books, written the birth plan, even done certain preparations on my body to put it in the best place for this, and now all that had gone out the window, and something that I had much less information on was about to happen to us. As I said before, I’m a prepper and planner. 

However, with the actual birth, I was able to garner more information, and use some of the things from above (like reading positive c-section stories on the Positive Birth Company FB group, linked to my hypnobirthing course, and actually read the information my hospital sent to me on c-sections), so I felt way more empowered - while also finally coming around to the fact I simply cannot prepare for everything motherhood will throw at me. As long as my baby is delivered safe, and healthy, that's what matters most.

I can't finish this blog without a note to my parents, who have been excellent this last week, and most of all, my birthing partner: my fiance is fantastic. I haven't gone into his experience of the situation in this post as it's not my place to put that out on the internet, but I will say I felt thoroughly supported by him throughout the entire experience; not just in the theatre - but he seriously shone there with his humour and distractions. Throughout this pregnancy, birth, and in the days that have followed, he has let me feel my feelings and have my reactions good or bad. He seesawed between tough love and soft love where appropriate. He has also spoken his truth and view of the situation, even if he knew I wouldn't agree, to give me alternative viewpoints to think about when I couldn't see further than the end of the (uncomfortable) hospital bed. I truly would have been lost without him by my side. 

The realities of the third trimester: one person's account

The third trimester: the final trimester of pregnancy, before I meet my little one. Out of all the trimesters, this one had the most challenges, but it was equally the most magical. I was also torn with not wishing a whole trimester away, so still aimed to embrace it all - and there have been some very fun milestones. 

Read my first trimester blog here

Read my second trimester blog here

Appointments 

The trimester starts with your 28-week appointment, and things feel a little different going forward. There is the same blood pressure monitoring, urine test, and fetal heartbeat checks as your 16-week and 25-week appointments, but there are the additions of bump measurements and discussion of baby’s weight, and as you get closer to your due date, discussions around birth plan, postnatal depression, etc. As standard, you'll have 28 weeks, 31 weeks, 34 weeks, 36 weeks, 38 weeks, and 40 weeks (and 41 weeks if baby hasn't arrived). 

My 28-week appointment went mostly well, though the midwife had concerns about the small size of my bump, so sent me for a growth scan to measure baby; however, I personally wasn't concerned at the time, as I'm a petite woman. The outcome of this scan was us being moved to consultant-led care for our third trimester. Initially, this came with a lot of mum guilt: have I not been eating enough? Have I not been resting enough? But speaking to other mums who have been subject to similar testing in their pregnancies reassured me. As a result, out of the ‘standard’ appointments I listed above, we didn’t have all of these, and had a number of foetal growth scans and consultant appointments instead. I was apprehensive when they started talking about induction and suggesting induction dates as the weeks went on in these appointments, but I kept the faith that everything would be okay, and my hypnobirthing course gave me the confidence to ask the questions and make an informed decision around being induced. 

At my routine 36-week appointment, I had concerning urine and blood pressure results, which resulted in multiple overnight hospital stays, a diagnosis of pre-eclampsia, an ‘almost birth’, and ultimately, baby’s arrival [at the time of writing, baby isn’t here yet, but we have a potential date; check back for my birth story blog post]. I can’t lie, it was all pretty overwhelming for both me and baby, being prodded and poked, monitored around the clock within every inch of ourselves. And mentally, that ‘almost birth’ was A LOT [again, I’ll go into that in my birth story blog]. Little things made it better though: I had an end bay by a window for both stays, they brought round ice lollies for all the patients mid afternoon, and of course, I have a great fiance and support network! The nights were a different story though: although it was mostly quiet, between the checks, the uncomfy beds, and the general situation, I didn’t sleep too well. The staff were so lovely though, and the stays acted as practise runs, so I could form expectations for the eventual birth.

Movement (and hiccups)

Much like the funny reels on IG warned, baby’s movement becomes so much stronger in this trimester: I would sometimes jump when baby kicked, as it would take me by surprise. It's undeniably another human touching you (though I saw a reel of a woman describing it like how it would feel to hold a moving frog within your hands, and that feels v accurate too). From 30 weeks, I could physically see the kicks from the outside, which was SO cool. As baby got bigger, I could also tell in my stomach where they were laying - like I could make out where baby’s back or butt was - and baby would sometimes respond to my touch too.

I could decipher the rhythmic feeling of baby’s hiccups. I loved feeling baby so much, and I think this is one of the key things I'll miss about pregnancy, despite having my child out in the world. Those early mornings, or late night movements, where we could bond with baby, or me just chatting to baby in the loos at work for a bit, or discreetly rubbing my abdomen on my commute. It felt like a little secret sometimes, as while others didn't always acknowledge baby’s existence - hey, I can't expect everyone to talk about my fave topic 24/7 - this baby was all I thought about most of the day. 

Symptoms and side effects

The movement section leads me on nicely to symptoms and side effects. Unlike the previous two trimesters where, apart from the exhaustion, things were pretty manageable, I had a lot of the main symptoms and side effects of the third trimester: rib, back, and bladder pain; swollen feet and ankles; Braxton Hicks; heartburn; waking with hiccups; numbness; nausea; needing the loo constantly through the night; significant pressure around…umm… baby’s exit route. I also had a post-nasal drip for months on end after two rounds of colds/flus, which meant constant coughing for a good while, and the diagnosis of pre-eclampsia as mentioned above with the hospitalisations.

There were days where I'd just feel uncomfortable for hours - or even the whole day - while other days, I'd feel absolutely fine. It's all part and parcel though; on those occasions where I wished for just 15/20 minutes away from my own body, so I could get some let up during this nine months, I still felt incredibly blessed that my body has been able to carry my child, and protect and grow them for nine months. It's not something everyone’s body can do - hell, it's not something I thought my own body could do "without help” as per two GPs’ comments on my fertility in my 20s. Yet here we are. 

I have to say the worst part of being pregnant for me (apart from the hospital stays I experienced) was not being able to just focus on being pregnant, if that makes sense? Where I wanted to focus all my attention on this life altering stage, especially if this was the only time I’d go through it, I was a bit sad that I couldn't just hide away and do that - no matter how unrealistic that sounds. I sometimes resented the long days at work, and even some social commitments, as I didn't want to look back on the experience of pregnancy and feel like I missed it. As such, I made a massively conscious effort to put this experience first in the third trimester.

On the flip side, I've loved the effect pregnancy has had on my skin - I have never had this clear skin since before puberty - and generally, my body confidence. Humble brag, but a lot of people said the classic “you're glowing” and that I suited pregnancy, and I must say, externally, I did agree. From my other experiences in this trimester, I know how things ‘look’ isn't always reflective of what’s going on on the inside, but this was a positive I can't discount either.

Preparing for birth 

As prompted by my Pregnancy+ app, I wrote my initial birth plan (which I reframed to “birth preferences” after doing my hypnobirthing course to acknowledge its fluidity) towards the end of second trimester. However, this was in no way a final draft, as I still wanted to do a little more research on some bits in order to give informed consent and generally have an understanding of what would be happening to my body. I used this trimester to do so. Ultimately, this birth plan went out the window due to the circumstances surrounding my child’s birth, but nonetheless, I was still happy to have this knowledge.

One of the things I found most helpful was talking to friends and family about their birth stories. These spanned vaginal births, c sections, no pain relief, pain relief, and it was so informative to hear from people whose personalities I knew, so I could reconcile something tangible (while still acknowledging that every birth is unique).

Prepping for baby’s arrival 

It was in this trimester we really started to prepare for post-birth: my child’s arrival. I did most of my antenatal classes during this time, we started making the baby purchases (as did our family and friends), and made the adjustments to our home office-cum-nursery. It was super exciting - I loved it! Spooked by the fact I'd heard of two May babies in my circle (family of friends) being born in early April, we washed all baby’s clothes and I packed some semblance of a hospital bag between weeks 32 and 34. 

I know it's a bit of an American thing, but I love me a party or a ‘lime’ as they say in Trinidad (a ‘hang out’), so we always planned to have a baby shower. We held it at home to keep numbers to just immediate family and close friends; my fiance cooked all the food (Jamaican dishes and BBQ); and two friends did all the music/games/decor (pink and gold, and SO many little touches from party favours to a letter from the bump). I was blown away by the love that encased our home on that sunny April afternoon. It was laughter, good food, and the integration of two family and friend groups all together. We are blessed.

Another rather modern practice I did was a maternity shoot. I wanted to immortalise this transformative period of my life. A friend who is a gifted photographer came and shot the photos at a venue with whom I have a very good rapport with, Tulleys Farm; we really felt like VIPs on shoot day. I'm so grateful to both the friend and venue (and my fiance for ferrying us around, and for seriously making some of the photos with his posing).

Knowing when to stop work 

I stopped going into the office at 32 weeks. Despite having a fab office/WFH balance in place already, by this time, the two-hour commute each way, the length of the days, and just not being in my home comforts on days where I felt intensely uncomfortable got too much. When I originally submitted my maternity leave plans, I intended to work up to just shy of 38 weeks, which seemed reasonable, but as I entered the final few weeks prior to this, I really started to struggle - and the consultant really spoke on resting, which despite doing a desk job, there wasn't much of in my role due to my varied responsibilities.

As such, in the end, I listened to my body and intuition, and I finished up at 36 weeks. I did struggle throughout the whole pregnancy with having to be ‘on top form’ at work and channelling that same energy I had done my entire career when my body and brain had been completely rewired and my priorities had shifted massively. I felt I outwardly handled it well, but inwardly was interesting for sure.

Maternity wear

As with my second trimester, I didn't really buy much maternity wear - just two co-ords - and instead I sized up on stretchy dresses and loose trousers. I'll be honest, I wore a lot of the same outfits on rotation, and I didn't actually wear jeans or buttoned up trousers for nearly 8 months, but that's fine. They'll be waiting for me in the next couple months!

Towards the very end of pregnancy, some of my fiance’s t-shirts became part of my wardrobe attire, especially as I was mostly at home or in the hospital anyway. 

Other bits

This is going to sound odd, but throughout my pregnancy, I became super aware of where my organs sit in my torso. Pre-pregnancy, I could perhaps vaguely gesture where my bladder was or stomach, but I could tell exactly where they were during pregnancy. Things, like going to the toilet, or the need to go to the toilet, felt different too. It all makes sense, of course, given how the organs totally shift during pregnancy.

Final word

I am publishing this blog post just before the end of my third trimester (so please forgive any inconsistencies in tenses as I’m still in the experience, but trying to write in past tense!); and as I look to the ‘fourth trimester’ post partum stage that’s soon to come, I feel quite reflective.

Although it’s been hard, and it’s had some pretty tough moments, I have enjoyed pregnancy - though I’m so excited to meet my child and the life that comes next. Pregnancy is a transformation. I’m not fully the same person I was in the first trimester: my priorities have shifted somewhat, and for the first time ever, I put me and my body (and of course my bub) first, with far less concern of how it looked or affected others. I’ve learnt to listen to my body in a way I’d never done before. I’m slowly embracing the chaotic - or at least embracing that I can’t plan all the time, and have to go with the flow sometimes. It’s taught me that you can do all the reading, but not really understand something until you’re in it. It’s also taught me more than ever than social media is never even half the story of what someone is going through. Even as a writer, I can’t really put into words completely pregnancy is like, but it has truly changed my life.

A love letter to my pregnant body

I know I'm meant to be a writer/journalist because I had the idea to write this article at around 4.35am, in one of my many fleeting moments of being awake, as I peed for the third time since midnight. My brain is always on the hustle for an angle or a story, eh. I must confess though, this article is, in part inspired by this one, which I re-read recently and it took me right back to all the feelings I felt in 2020 that had long left the forefront of my mind as life progressed. That's why I always say I write this blog for me as well as others; I don't want to forget this pregnancy. So here we go, here is the love letter to my body:

Thank you for proving my anxiety - and doctors wrong 

This isn't something I openly speak about, but I was in talking therapies at the time of finding out I was pregnant. The 10 or so months prior to falling pregnant were the most volatile my mental health had been since 2017, and my mum and partner encouraged me to speak to someone: something I'd been deadset against. Why would I offload to a stranger?! It was a positive move though, so I now thank them for this. One of the ways my poor mental health manifested was in bouts of anxiety, and for a while in my first trimester, this transferred to miscarriage anxiety that I felt very, very intensely. However, as the weeks went by and my body stayed pregnant, I stopped letting these negative thoughts rule my experience. And my body backed me up. I can honestly say now, in a complete 180, my mental health has been very good throughout the rest of my pregnancy. 

Thank you for showing me my body is damn strong 

For years, I've defined the strength of my body by gym standards: how much I can squat, how well I can swing that kettlebell, even how quickly I can run a kilometre. Pregnancy has taught me having a strong body is SO much more than that. Throughout pregnancy, a woman’s metabolism operates at 2.2 times its normal rate, which is just below the human limit of 2.5 BMR (which you'll see many reels on IG compare it to running a marathon every single week for 40 weeks). Pregnant women grow 275+ new bones in their body (baby’s bones), grow then keep double the normal amount of organs functioning 24 hours a day, and bottom line, keep a whole other person alive with their body alone - all the while still holding down a full-time job and leading a full life like they were prior to their body doing all this. Pregnant women are the strongest creatures to walk on this planet, and you can't tell me different. Pregnant athletes? JEEZ. Hahaha. And I'm saying all this prior to my body even having given birth yet, which I'm sure will hone this point even more.  

Thank you for showing me that “hard” doesn't mean “bad”

Although I've always wanted to be a mum, I must say, I was never too fussed about experiencing pregnancy. It looked hard, and uncomfortable, and a means to an end, to be honest. However, despite its hardness and uncomfortableness, I now know it's also one of the most special experiences, and I'm genuinely in awe of my body and what it has achieved every single day. When I witness my stomach seemingly moving of its own accord, I'm like ‘wow, there's a baby in there that my body made’ (with a little contribution of course, haha). I am so proud of my body. I never understood before how nausea, or exhaustion, or bladder pain, or any other of these ‘negative’ things couldn't seem bad, but genuinely, I would do this forever for my child, it's weird. It's not nice but I don't hate it - I welcome it. 

Thank you for encouraging me to trust my intuition

Generally, trusting my intuition on multiple small things set me right during my pregnancy, but there were two stand-out occasions that really and truly trusting my intuition had significant effects.

The first is despite the GP telling me my blood indicated normal levels of iron, I knew low iron was the reason for my extreme exhaustion throughout the second trimester. I pursued this and the midwife later clarified that while yes, I had normal levels for a non-pregnant person, they were low for a pregnant woman. This meant I could finally get tablets to treat it.

The second occasion was me waking up, just under three weeks before my maternity leave was due to start, and knowing I needed to bring it forward a week. I cannot explain it any further that I just knew I had to change it. And thank goodness I did; that final week I got diagnosed with pre-eclampsia and was back and forth to the hospital; multiple overnight stays, and even an almost birth! All of this is to say this ultimately gives me the confidence in my motherly instinct and intuition too.

Ultimately, thank you for giving me a new appreciation for my body 

Throughout the years, I've gone through waves of being fit by traditional standards - healthy eating, gym, running - and not so fit - little to no exercise, multiple takeouts, not making conscious health decisions. My body confidence has changed in waves too. However, pregnancy has given me the best balance of all: I eat healthier but still treat myself often, I do exercise for me not for a chore, I feel GOOD about my body. I'm not looking at the size of my arms or how my stomach looks in an outfit. If it feels good, I'm wearing it. I've added more patterns, and more colour to my predominantly black and burgundy wardrobe. I really hope this carefree attitude sticks around post birth - in fact, I'm going to make sure it does.

A comprehensive list of everything that shocked me about pregnancy

As a first-time mum, there are SO many things I learnt throughout pregnancy. Some small, some large, some downright surprising. No joke, I felt like everyday was a school day (as well as a work day… my brain is tired). 

The main thing I learnt is that our pregnant friends and mum friends don't necessarily share everything with non-pregnant/non-mum friends; sometimes the words just aren't there to explain something so huge, while other times, we don't want to talk for hours on end on a topic you may not be interested in, despite it being our reality 24/7. There were many things when I noted them to my mum-to-be and mum friends, they were like YUP. So, with that in mind - and so I don't chat people’s ears off - here is everything that totally surprised me about pregnancy:

Pregnancy is technically closer to 10 months, than 9

I mean, if I did the maths, it'd be obvious: 40 weeks, with roughly 4 weeks per month. Makes sense 

You will become way more aware of where your organs are in your torso 

Weeing can feel different, the desire to go number 2 feels different, you're aware of your breathing more. Everything shifts during pregnancy to make room for your growing uterus and baby, resulting in bodily functions you've had all your life feeling slightly different.

The scarcity of appointments at the beginning of pregnancy 

I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks, so was shocked to learn that the earliest appointment you'll get is 9 weeks, unless something is wrong. I was there, sat with a huge life altering reality, my body already going through some wild changes, and no one “official” to talk about it with (thankfully my mum is a midwife). Even after 9 weeks, standard NHS appts in the first half of pregnancy are 9 weeks, 12 week scan, 16 week appt, and 20 week scan. In between, you're just vibing. 

You don't need a full bladder for ultrasounds past a certain point 

Early on, you'll need a full bladder, but from further on, you don't at all. However, at your midwife appointments, they will do a dip test, where they check your urine, so make sure you have enough wee for the tube. 

Baby brain is a very real thing

Pregnant women sometimes experience forgetfulness and brain fog, and I was definitely one of them - though I tried to mask it at work. This is due to changes in the brain structure during pregnancy, plus the tiredness and hormones. 

There are two stages of labour - and waters breaking isn't like it is in the media 

Prior to my pregnancy, my only reference point for birth was the media and off the hand comments from other people that it's the “worst pain in the world”: most of it quite negative. However, I made it my mission during my pregnancy to address my fears through positive birth stories, hypnobirthing, and actually learning about what would happen to my body during labour, and while I'm not like YAY CAN'T WAIT, I'm also no longer terrified. Of the many many many things I learnt, one that surprised was what the muscles are doing during labour, and how contractions are first upwards as you dilate, then downwards to push the baby out (if having a vaginal birth). Also, waters breaking isn't necessarily the first sign of labour as the TV shows and films would have you believe!! This is more likely to come in active labour.

The severity of morning sickness varies drastically between women

As someone who feared vomiting - and would do all and everything to avoid it, whether ill or hungover - I was so apprehensive about morning sickness when I found out I was pregnant. However, unlike social media and the general media will have you believe, not everyone is head-over-toilet for the first trimester. Yes, I did have nausea, yes, I did throw up a few times, and yes, brushing my teeth was playing a dangerous game every damn time, but it felt manageable, you know? With some peppermint tea or a few Polos when a few waves came on, I was okay. And that's coming from me, an absolute wimp from vomiting. Some people do have severe morning sickness, of course, and there's also hyperemesis gravidarum, but I say this to say pregnancy doesn't automatically equal vomiting 24/7. 

Pregnant women not only have super low immune systems, but they also produce way more mucus

So, when you get a cold or ill, that s*it will stay with you for ages!!!! What's worse, I ended up getting postnasal drips after each cold, which meant the most violent coughs the moment I lay down for weeks on end. It was horrendous. 

Sleep while you can is the biggest myth ever!!!!! 

The intense pregnancy exhaustion aside - where no matter how much you sleep, you're still tired - night time will bring back pain, rib pain, tossing and turning, limited sleeping positions and, most of all, regular toilet runs the further you progress into your pregnancy.

Getting up from laying down is a whole ordeal

I thought pregnant women were being dramatic, but nah, it's literally the hardest thing in the third trimester. The roll from one side of your body to the other feels like you've got kettlebells strapped to you, far heavier than baby, amniotic fluid, or placenta actually is. Then, the scooting to the edge of the bed is almost comical (but essential), and finally, when you're upright, you need to sit there for a hot second just to compose yourself. 

The...erm... downstairs pressure you feel every time you stand up or lay down in the third trimester 

Leading on nicely, not one person mentioned this one to me prior to pregnancy: how you feel a heaviness near baby's exit route anytime you move for a month or two. Yet once the IG algorithm picked up I was in my third trimester, all I got served was reels about it with the sound bite "the pressure is getting worser"

This is the longest you'll ever be congratulated for something 

Lol, seriously. 

A woman’s hormones don't go back to pre-pregnancy levels until two years after birth 

A lot of what women go through to bear children isn't immediately obvious to the naked eye. 

Statutory maternity pay is LESS than minimum wage, it is not for the full year, and it's TAXED

This was the learning that brought me down to early with the biggest bump; and that's coming from someone who has always been a savvy saver. At the time of writing, it's £187 a week, so around £750 gross - then you're taxed at your usual rate, so for me, that's 20%. Yep, do the math of outgoings (mortgage + bills + living) Vs incomings. Then on top of that, you're only eligible up to week 39, not the full year if you choose to take the full year maternity leave. Of course, usually it is people’s choice to have children, but if we didn't, who is paying tax in the future? Who is living in our society in the future? How does the human race continue? Only rich people have kids?

The ‘baby on board’ badge isn't a free pass to a seat 

People will actively pretend not to notice you/your badge/your stomach when you're further along - or genuinely be so in their own world they don't notice. When I was in pain though or nauseous, I had no qualms asking for a seat.

breastmilk is an active liquid

It changes day to night, summer to winter, and will adapt to what your baby needs at any given time. If you contract a cold, it’ll start adding antibodies to your milk in 40 mins! Magic!

What has surprised you about pregnancy?

The realities of the second trimester: one person's account

The second trimester is billed as the best time of pregnancy for most women; the middle bit where pregnancy isn't brand-new to your body but also you aren't at the crazy heavy bit at the end. It's also a great time for those like me, who are first time mums, to really settle into pregnancy and start learning all these new things, from mat pay and kit days to breastfeeding and birth, without the pressure of it being immediately around the corner. 

Personally, this was also the trimester where I felt a clear shift between “I'm pregnant” and “we’re having a baby”; that this isn't a ‘me’ thing, but something much bigger. 

Read my first trimester blog here.

Symptoms and side effects 

I have had a relatively good pregnancy thus far. Don't get me wrong, this is the hardest thing my body has ever done, and I feel its difficulty, but with the right support and adjustments, I have managed it better than I thought I would. And in fact, despite some of the negative side effects that I'll go into below, I have had many positive effects too, related to my mental health, my skin, and my approach to setting boundaries.

For me, the second trimester meant waving goodbye to some side effects, like cramps and most nausea (though the latter still loved to pay me a flying visit now and again). It did however mean welcoming new ones: heartburn (uncomfortable but v manageable), rib and back pain (as baby got bigger from week 25/26) and crippling, nearly daily headaches for around 10 weeks. As someone who works on a laptop all day, this last one was really a tough one to navigate. I tried everything from cold flannels to blood tests to check my iron levels, and then one day, around week 22, they simply stopped. Thank goodness.

My constant companion through first and a lot of the second trimester was exhaustion; it was debilitating. For all those fancy press meals or social activities I put on my IG stories during this time, I wasn't showing the next day or two when I was completely bedbound. The only reason I was able to manage was because of the brilliant support of my fiance, as when I had to spend whole days in bed after a day in the office or attending a social or press event, he took on all the housework, cooking, and looking after me.

The exhaustion taught me a lot about staying firm in my boundaries; I did have some inner conflict with not wanting to look like I was being flaky with friends or not pulling my weight at work, but once I accepted that my body and mind simply does not operate in the same way as it did when I wasn't pregnant, and I remembered I was doing this for my baby, it was easier. Again, like the headaches, around week 23 was a turning point for this symptom. I was still tired, but like a regular tired, nowhere near the level it had been since like week 5 of my pregnancy.

6 months - Instagram vs reality (non alcoholic, FYI!)

“Sleep now before the baby is born”

As I, and many others, will tell you, this is the biggest fallacy of pregnancy. Despite the exhaustion, I don't think I've slept through the night more than twice since late September. First and foremost, the toilet runs in the middle of the night. I'd sometimes go once in the night pre-pregnancy, but my current record, while pregnant, is four times. Then as a stomach sleeper, I had to adapt to side sleeping - and from about week 22 when I was feeling the significant weight of the baby, I'd spend the night turning and turning like the meat in a kebab shop lol. Maybe it’s all in aid of an easier adjustment for a newborn…

Having had a pregnancy massage towards the end of the trimester (thank you to my own mum for booking it!), I’d definitely sleep better if I could have that every night, haha.

Scans and appointments

Now for all the cool bits! If you don't need to visit the Early Pregnancy Unit, your first NHS scan will be the 12-week scan. My 12-week scan was my first external scan of the pregnancy, but not my first scan overall, and it fell at 13 weeks instead. Baby played coy with us and the ultrasound technician: while they moved around and moved a lot - I watched in awe as my child stretched, showed us hand movements and even turned their whole body away from us - it took an hour for the technician to get the head to bum measurements she needed. I had to star jump, wiggle, turn on my side, go for a walk, and drink more fluids. It was incredible though; I was on cloud 9 for the rest of the day. 

I opted to pay privately for a scan between the NHS 12-week and 20-week scans, so I could find out my baby’s gender just before Christmas. My fiance and I found out the gender a week before Christmas Day, and despite me planning to reveal all to family and friends at Christmas in a low-key, but very ‘me’ way, we were both just too excited and told everyone via call, video call, or text within a few hours. It was a momentous day, and one I'll remember my whole life. And because all the old wives tales had me so convinced it was one gender, and instead it was the other, the surprise made it even sweeter.

The other routine NHS appointments in this trimester are your 16-week appt, a 20-week scan, a 25-week appt, and if you have some risk factors, a gestational diabetes check. 

The 16-week appointment is usually where you hear your baby’s heartbeat for the first time; I heard my baby's heartbeat for the first time a few days before this - though still within week 16 - as I had a hospital visit for a concerning symptom (they thoroughly checked me out, and all was fine). It was amazing - I could have listened all day. At the 25-week appt, my child’s heart beat was significantly stronger and easier to find, though the appointment itself was much the same as 16 weeks, apart from conversations about baby's movement patterns. Be sure to get your Mat B1 form at this appointment, as you must submit it to work 15 weeks before your due date (and word of warning, don't take your company’s information as gospel; while some things are up to them, others are UK-wide law that isn't always adhered to). 

I had my 20-week scan coming out of a horrendous flu - the most ill I’ve been in my adult life - and was told I could not move it by the hospital. However, as I'd had all that time ill in bed feeling baby move, I felt very calm about the anatomy scan and, as I'd suspected, everything looked normal! 

Throughout my pregnancy, Instagram served me a lot of reels about this gestational diabetes test. That sugary drink is no where near as vile as the countless reels will have you believe. Here in the UK, the drink you have to consume between blood tests simply tastes like a flat, watered down Fanta. You have one blood test before (having fasted overnight) and one two hours after drinking the drink.

movement

It is said that with your first baby, you should feel baby’s movements between 16 and 24 weeks. However, I'm not crazy when I say I felt something, especially on certain late afternoons and evenings, from as early as 13 weeks. It wasn’t painful and didn't feel like full on movement, but rather an odd sensation below or behind my belly button. After seeing how baby was so active at my 13-week scan, and then the established movement patterns I felt later on in the trimester which fit with these timings, I'm convinced it was them moving about. Around week 16/17, movement got significantly stronger, and by week 19/20, it was unmistakable, and I relished feeling them wriggle about.

From week 23, babies can hear and react to sounds outside the womb, and well, my child was subjected to my full shower concerts when washing my hair (curly girl routine, IYKYK) and I could clearly tell when I was getting kicks of approval… or silence. Tough crowd. We felt baby kick from the outside for the first time in week 24. I also often felt baby’s foot in my left rib around this time - something my mum said I used to do when she was having me.

If I'm completely honest with myself, it was around week 21 that I really felt I started to bond with my child; they were something wonderful before that I was caretaking in my abdomen and doing everything to protect, but I really started feeling a bond with them from this point onwards.

Cravings 

Close behind “do you know the gender”; one of the most frequently asked questions I've received is whether I have any weird cravings. My first craving was something I usually couldn't care less about: Haribos. But specifically sour Haribos. Oh, and I didn't want the sweet itself; I simply wanted to suck the sour sugar and discard the sweet. Soon after, red grapes dipped lightly in salt was a firm favourite of mine for a bit, weird I know. Both of these cravings were early on in the trimester; and I had no others for the rest of the time. 

Maternity clothes - what do you actually need?

For me, I was in that weird phase for a long while where none of my regular trousers or zip up skirts fit me, but maternity trousers just felt ill-fitting and not built for my body type (i.e. not for women with curves at the back too…). I was most comfortable in regular, non maternity wear that was loose and/or elasticated. My 2024/2025 winter wardrobe was essentially jumper dresses. I did have to get new bras at around six months and my God, ladies, get your bras fitted regularly!!! I couldn't believe the difference in comfort and support from my new, properly sized bras.

Also, to anyone reading this, I want you to know, especially with your first pregnancy, it is normal not to show for a while - just as it's normal to show from as early as 8 weeks too! Unless I was in a tight outfit, or lifted my top up, my bump barely showed day-to-day until I was 23/24 weeks pregnant (six months), and I didn't really know how to respond to “you don't even look pregnant” as I agreed. My two usual responses may have sounded a little defensive (“but the midwives say baby is measuring fine - even a little big” or “well, I feel it!”) but they were both true - and it was that or a weird silence, haha. 

Preparing for birth

I used this trimester to research a lot on birth: anyone who knows me knows I'm a planner. However, I know birth and motherhood is so unpredictable; I just want to avoid being a passive participant, instead having a basic understanding of what is going on with my body. Beware though, there is such a thing of having information overload, especially in the age of social media when everyone has an opinion. 

I read The Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill, which was such an empowering read, and really reframed my fear surrounding birth. It also gave me the knowledge to then ask questions of my midwife mum, or mum friends around me.

Many people recommended doing a hypnobirthing course; I did two - one free and an hour long, the other paid and more like 8 hours - and found the paid one far more helpful, and rooted far more in science. I also joined the associated Facebook group where real women shared real birth stories, which again, broke down years of media perceptions, and attended my local hospital trust’s online antenatal classes.

Read my top 5 things I’ve found super helpful during pregnancy thus far.

Other bits 

I often joke that I'm like the mum in 2003’s Freaky Friday, with reminders always going off on my phone. Well, that hasn't changed since I've become pregnant; I've just added two new ones: to do my specific exercises and take my Pregnacare tablets. I guarantee I would do neither if I wasn't reminded!  

On the other hand, something I didn't need reminding about was to take advantage of my Maternity Exemption Certificate (mat ex). The mat ex entitles you to free NHS prescriptions and some other care for the duration of your pregnancy and for a year after. I received this towards the end of my first trimester, then BAM practically booked up a full body MOT. 

‘Mummy’ and ‘Daddy’ at a Kensington Palace event this trimester

I was quite reflective in this second trimester, about myself, the women around me, and even women in our society as a whole. Key thoughts below:

From about week 16, I truly felt ‘pregnant’. Don't get me wrong, of course I had 3+ months worth of symptoms before that, but I now became so mindful that I'm literally carrying around a tiny human in my body. I was also way more aware that every single thing I do has an effect on this human, and I'm the only one directly responsible at this time. My partner (who became my fiance during this trimester, eeeeeeeeeee) has been absolutely incredible every single step of the way since we found out we were having this baby - literally doing the lion's share of everything but my day job lol, and even more to keep me as comfortable and happy as possible - but evolutionarily, it can only be the woman who bears 24/7 responsibility at this stage: every bit of air I breathe into my lungs, every item of food that passes my lips, every glass of water that I do or don't drink, every environment I expose my body to, is having an effect on two people, and I'm the only one responsible. This was a very deep thought to first have on the toilet, thinking “wait, I'm not alone in the loo”. 

I also gained a new understanding of actually, no matter how empathetic I felt I had been through friends’ pregnancies in the past, I never had full understanding of what they were going through in the way I do now. I would go as far as to say, you can't truly fully understand pregnancy (and birth) until you've experienced it yourself*. However, BIG asterisks, because I had some phenomenal support from a handful of friends/family without kids, who regularly checked in on how I was feeling, gave me the space to talk about this really huge experience I was going through, and even offered legal advice around pregnancy. I simply mean, there's just some aspects of pregnancy that can't be put into words (yes, even as a journalist); the words that do exist in the English language just aren't enough to fully convey what is trying to be explained. Women are bloody incredible. They really and truly are.

Which leads me onto nicely that this country isn't built to support growing families, so it's little wonder why birth rates have taken a nose dive. Amongst many other facts and figures I've consumed since becoming pregnant, a couple that have stood out to me is that it takes six weeks for the placental wound to heal after birth, and two years for women’s hormones to go back to what they were prior to pregnancy. This is no quick business, yet we judge women for not being put together and out and about sharing their baby with the world from the early on (and I myself am so guilty of judging others in the past for being off the radar and uncommunitive for months; I now realise how wrong this is). What’s more statutory maternity pay kicks in between 3-6 months aka we have to survive on less than half of minimum wage, or find our still healing bodies back at work; and women are expected back at work properly within absolute max a year. I'm thankfully in a position to be able to save hard while on a full salary, and if I need it, call on family support, so I can spend longer with my child than my monthly paycheck dictates, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about money once my full salary stops. All this is to say yes, it's people’s choice to have children or not, but equally, the system is unfairly unsupportive of that choice. What's the alternative? Only the rich and elite have children, and then we live in a world of Torys forever?! No, thanks!

7 things that helped me during my pregnancy as a first-time mum

Originally written just before the start of my third trimester - I will update this, and swap in and out if anything that changes in the final 12 or so weeks. If there is no update, well, then here is the list…

I have never been given as much information and advice about one topic until pregnancy. Everyone - and I mean everyone - has an anecdote to share, whether their own experience or of someone close to them; you like one pregnancy reel on IG, and it'll be all the algorithm serves you forever more; and between medical appointments, and family and friends, you'll get enough advice to last you a lifetime! Between all these sources, it can sometimes feel hella overwhelming, especially as often there is conflicting information depending on your sources or someone's personal experience. Just remember, bottom line, women have been giving birth for thousands of years - it's what our bodies evolutionally are made for. 

If you are reading this also pregnant, I'm not seeking to overload you with more information. These are simply the 7 things that had a significant impact on my experience of pregnancy as a first-time mum, and I highly recommend:

1. Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill

If you do one thing, and one thing only, to prepare for birth, make it reading the Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill. My fiance bought this book for me early on in my pregnancy, but I shelved it until the second trimester, quite frankly sh*t scared about the prospect of birth, and in the throws of miscarriage anxiety, I didn't want to jinx it by preparing for anything before 12 weeks. However, this book changed my whole mindset surrounding birth. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't like “yippee, this is going to be a pain-free experience”, but I felt far more empowered and knowledgeable, and no longer petrified about the prospect of birth after reading this book. It breaks down birth into the different stages, gives you the science behind what's happening to your body, provides good anecdotes from real women, and broadly covers natural birth, pain relief, c sections, water birth, and everything in between. You’ll have to await my blog about my birth experience to see if it helped me when the crunch came…

2. Hypnobirthing course

If you'd like to further your positive experience around this, enrol in a hypnobirthing course (as recommended to me by my step sister and a couple of friends), which shares a lot of this information and goes further with coping techniques, and tangible comparisons. I did two - an hour-long free session, and a paid-for longer online course by The Positive Birth Company - and, ladies, please pay. The first one I just couldn't get on board with and was far too hippy for me. However, the PBC one, while a lot of the same info was presented, it was far more science and holistic based, without the need for frivolities (or naming your bits human names).

3. Start4Life emails

These are run by the NHS, and sent directly to your inbox every new week (you put your due date in, which you can amend after your dating scan too, so it's literally catered to your baby’s new week - i.e. I received them each Wednesday). It breaks down the information you may need week by week as you progress further into your pregnancy - whether it be an article about sleeping on your side, reassurances about implantation bleeding, or your rights do flexible hours - rather than overloading information in one go that might not be relevant to you for months yet. It also keeps you updated on your baby's progress week to week too, from their size to their milestones they're hitting within the womb. 

4. Baby memory book 

I love to write my personal blog posts, be it about travel or pregnancy, as a way to look back on my experiences in years to come. I also am big on printing out photos at the end of each year and putting them in a physical album. This is an amalgamation of both. I got a baby book, one that covers weekly from nine weeks in utero to baby’s first birthday, as one of my first purchases, and relished in filling it out with scan photos or relevant photos (like baby’s first Christmas gifts - from my mum and brother, even though baby was still in the womb lol), anything exciting in baby’s development that I felt, or anything notable that ‘Mummy and Daddy’ did that week. I didn't fill it out every single week if nothing remarkable happened, but it'll be something we can both treasure for years to come. I used to love looking at mine and my brothers’ baby albums when we were little.

5. Prenatal vitamins 

From the moment you find out you're pregnant (or even before if you're preparing to get pregnant), find yourself in Boots or Superdrug and get yourself some folic acid and vitamin D supplements. These are essential for baby’s development in the first trimester. After a few weeks, I relied on daily Pregnacare tablets - which include these two vitamins and so many more - though there are other brands too. I also joked that these little pills would turn all my McDonalds chicken nuggets into a healthy, well-sized, kicking baby haha. Don't get me wrong, I've also eaten the most fruit and veg in these last months compared to any other period in my adult life; however, I've not been stingy with the treats either. Eating for two is a myth, but it's also an easy way to justify treating yourself. These prenatal vitamins mean I've been getting the nutrients I, and baby, need.

6. My Little Coco bump butter

I used this bump butter daily after showering from month 4 to 8 (until it ran out) and no joke, I had not one stretchmark on my stomach. It smelt nice, felt nice, and was super moisturising. Now, this lack of stretchmarks could be due to my genes (however, I have stretchmarks on my leg from pre-pregnancy…), but I will advocate and yell about this bump butter to anyone and everyone.

7. Family and friends support 

Okay, I know I said at the beginning that other people's voices can be overwhelming, but the right voices, or simply only hearing them when you've sought support or advice, has made the world of difference. 

While pregnant, I relied on my mum to answer a lot of my questions around baby’s in utero milestones and about birth as, not only had she birthed me and my two brothers, but she was a trained midwife while I was growing up. I also have a handful of friends who either had given birth in the last 10 years or actually were pregnant at the same time as me, just a few months ahead, who I spoke regularly with and were able to provide relevant, real-world information away from me just reading something in a book. Also, between them and family, provided a lot of helpful hand-me-downs - having a baby is expensive!

Also, there was an even smaller group of friends and family members who, despite not having children of their own, just let me know they were there: checking in on how I was feeling regularly, and giving me the space to talk about this really huge experience I was going through. Within this group I had someone who knew employment law around pregnancy inside out, and I even had a colleague who, if I made so much as a sigh or I indicated I was uncomfortable in any way, would check whether I needed anything to ensure I was more comfortable. 

Everyone has their own shiz going on, and while this pregnancy may be the centre of your world, it isn't the centre of everyone else's - however you'll fast become aware of who is invested and cares about yours and baby's wellbeing, and who is just all about ‘cuddles with the baby’ once born. It can be a hard pill to swallow, but it means that it is far easier to set boundaries going forwards with those people.

Christmas gifts received from family while in utero

Of course, there are plenty more things I could add to this list, from my pregnancy pillow to the Pregnancy+ app, Nugget Savings IG account to actually chatting to your midwives at appts, but in all honesty, there is just so much info and assistance out there these days in the UK, if you think you need something, it probably already exists.

Do what's right for you - at the end of the day, this is something going on with your body and your child, no matter how educated someone is on a topic, or what a book says. Follow your instinct. Oh, and don't rely on Google.

A pregnant woman's honest rankings of some non-alcoholic alternative drinks

While I'm not an every night drinker, I do love my margaritas, and rum and cokes. My job also affords me experiences where alcohol is often at the forefront, or a significant part, and as such, it has just become part of my lifestyle without a second thought. However, my sober journey started the day after I found out I was pregnant, so it was time to find some non-alcoholic alternatives. 

I'll be totally transparent, while I found sobriety really easy at first - and saw great results in my skin and weight from the reduction of alcohol - ironically, it was during ‘Dry January’ that I did start to find it a little more difficult, and had a regular hankering for a rum and coke. However, prioritising my baby’s health kept my resolve strong.

At the beginning of the pregnancy, my go-to non-alcoholic drinks were juices or fizzy drinks, but this started to get old - and super sugary - quite quickly. As such, I explored many of the non-alcoholic alternatives on the market, and rated them out of five as below:

Mocktail at Moonshine Saloon

1. Gordon's Pink Gin - 0% [5/10]

General taste

4

Replica of the real thing  

1

Comments

The is a seemingly large discrepancy in my two ratings, because in my opinion, it doesn't taste like gin at all. However, it still make a lovely, fruity addition to soda water that I’d happily drink on the regular.

2. Noughtie white wine [6/10]

General taste

2

Replica of the real thing

4 

Comments

In all honesty, it tastes like a cheap bottle of white wine - university days vibes. The taste does improve with a splash of lemonade though: spritzer time!

3. Clean Co Tequila [6/10]

General taste

3

Replica of the real thing

3 

Comments

I found this a bit too sweet to be likened to a tequila - perhaps a smoky mezcal would be more appropriate - however it was still nice. Now, when I added to some margarita mix and squeezed in a decent amount of lime, it brought it right up to the full 5! The sharpness, which is what’s achieved with the lime in the marg, is what’s missing.

4. Non #1 [6/10]

General taste

3  

Replica of the real thing

3 (though it’s worth noting that Non strives to be ‘wine adjacent’, not a replica wine) 

Comments

I enjoyed this. It was tart and fruity, and felt like an elevated mocktail, with more ‘wine’ tones. 

5. Non #3 [7/10]

General taste

4

Replica of the real thing

3 (though it’s worth noting that Non strives to be ‘wine adjacent’, not a replica wine) 

Comments

If you're out for dinner, this is the perfect accompaniment to fish dishes. No joke, I feel it matched the fish I ate more than a real white wine would have done. 

6. Savyll Mojito [8/10]

General taste 

4

Replica of the real thing

4

Comments

On its own, it tasted like a mojito; however, adding real mint and sugar is what is needed to take this up to a full 5 marks.

7. Captain Morgan's Spiced 0.0% [9/10]

General taste

5   

Replica of the real thing

4 (though the smell is a 5, when it comes to replicating a real spiced rum)

Comments

Almost full marks! This is a very decent replica; it's only missing the edge of flavour that alcohol brings. I would happily shot it, as it has all the spiced rum flavours without that harshness, and when mixed with coke, it genuinely tastes like I’m just drinking a weak rum and coke.

This piece will be further updated as I try more alternatives…

The realities of the first trimester: one person’s account

When I started this blog in my early 20s, it was a way to combine two of my loves: writing and travel. Along the way, it's become my way of recording smaller details of trips and life stages that I may otherwise struggle to recall. As 20s have turned into 30s, the love of travel - and the travel blogs - are still there, but now other types of adventures fill my words too. These blogs are just as much as to entertain and inform others, as they are a diary to me, so I can look back and reflect. 

“First trimester is ghetto” is a phrase I'd seen in comments under multiple IG reels. I had many preconceived ideas about the first trimester of pregnancy before this pregnancy, informed by family and friends’ experiences, the media, social media, what we learnt at school (which I've come to realise some of which is now out of date… science, eh). However, my own experience has challenged many of my beliefs and made me realise just how unique and varied pregnancy is. 

On the final night of my first trimester

Morning sickness - what’s the vibe?

As is the title of this blog post, this is just my account. Everyone is different - and feeling one way or another is not an indication of anything, so don't do what I did, and read too much into it in the early stages. I had built up an expectation of what morning sickness was, expecting my head to be hanging into the toilet bowl for around two months straight. When this wasn't the case for me, and on occasion, I went a day or two with no nausea whatsoever, my mind would go into overdrive, overthinking what it could mean - right now, having passed the first trimester, I can say it didn't mean a darn thing. 

Don't get me wrong, I did have nausea nearly everyday throughout the trimester - and it really went up a gear on certain weeks - but rather than feeling constantly, horrendously sick day in, day out, it was mostly manageable. I had certain triggers, like brushing my teeth or strong smells, that made it worse, but otherwise, I was able to manage it with peppermint (Polos were my constant companion), a little water, or perhaps counterintuitive, but eating something.  

Mental health 

Something I did struggle with, particularly in the first half of my first trimester, was miscarriage anxiety. For personal reasons and because of statistics so widely publicised everywhere, I would say it crippled my enjoyment in the early weeks; while my partner, our parents, and our close friends were jumping for joy, I would not allow myself to imagine my life in the next year, or the joy of holding my child, lest it didn't work out that way. I was telling myself it was self preservation and I was preparing myself for all outcomes, but was I allowing myself to even consider the good outcomes? No, I wasn't. 

Having spotting around week 7 really sent me into a tailspin. I had to work that day - I hadn't told work I was pregnant as yet, of course - and frankly couldn't care less about a social media post that hadn't gone out, or what Londoners should do on the weekend ahead, as I worried I was miscarrying my baby. But still I had to present my professionally and be readily available to my colleagues and campaigns - though I counted my lucky stars I always work from home on a Monday. Just two days later, I had a pre-booked EPU scan, which confirmed what my mum and partner (and even the dreaded Google) had tried to reassure me: baby was absolutely fine. We even saw his/her heart beat for the first time!!! It's always best to consult the EPU about blood in pregnancy, but try not to let your idea of the worst consume you, until you have all the facts. Blood doesn't always equal miscarriage, despite what we learnt at school. This was a real turning point for me, and despite any twinges my body experienced, I felt far more positive from this point onwards. 

I also am very lucky to have a supportive partner and father of my child to be; his approach is far less anxiety driven than mine, yet he’s given me the mental space to approach this in my own way as a first-time mother. Also, he’s definitely over indulged my "baby wants X, baby wants Y” requests… I don’t think baby actually knows what mussels or tea are, haha.

Exhaustion

Omg. This is what I struggled with the most in my first trimester, and no one warned me?! Yet, mentioning it to every mum and mum to be in my life, they responded with an “oh yeah, there is nothing like pregnancy exhaustion”. Erm, thanks for the heads up!

I guess it makes sense: your body is not only adapting to a new experience, but it is growing literal organs and body parts, so of course, it'll take it out of you. Despite leading a very hectic life throughout my 20s - full-time job, multiple side hustles, full social life - I’d never felt tiredness like this before. The exhaustion hit me HARD. I've never been a daytime napper, unless I'm really ill or really hungover lol, but I needed to lie down often.

Despite what stereotypes would have us all think, I actually work much harder at home than when I'm in the office - office is somewhat of a social visit, now we’re not in five days a week, right?! I really did struggle with the exhaustion during the workday, but I was determined not to let my work slip. As for office days, well, we all get that 4pm slump, right? Little did my colleagues know just how hard it was hitting me! Between that and vacantly staring into space, they probably thought I was coming up with witty puns for my campaigns, not just trying to keep my eyes open…

And what else? 

Pregnancy is one of those things that so many women go through, but still some things are unknown about it by doctors and scientists -  wild. I had various other symptoms that when I chatted to professionals or Googled (even though I shouldn't) were attributed to pregnancy, but with no rhyme or reason why. 

Halfway through my first trimester I caught a cold - the one that was truly wiping people out.  Apparently pregnant women have a lower immune system, but boy, I was bed bound for two and a half days, so I did NOT want to get that again. I was very careful about keeping my distance from people in public where possible after that, and did get a few sniffles, but Vicks-ed those feet up (Google it - old wives tale that works, promise!) 

General aches and pains are also just part of this new stage of life. From weeks 5-6, and 9, I had what felt like mild period cramps; this can be very normal during pregnancy as remember, the uterus is growing and expanding. Pains in other parts of your body (hello, boobs, hello, back) are also super normal too.

The 12-week ‘safe zone’

Back to the original point of ‘first trimester is ghetto’. While I obviously understand the reason why waiting 12 weeks to tell people is the done thing, I'd argue that the huge transition from not pregnant to pregnant is when you need support the most (well, until what happens at the other end of pregnancy, haha). It's a time where you're questioning this body you've lived in your whole life for every little thing - in fact, someone else is living in it with you! While I don't regret not telling the majority of work until after 12 weeks, equally, I really could have done with the professional support earlier on too, while my body and brain were going through something so radical. I did struggle at work some days, and yet I had to smile and pretend everything was normal, and still operate at the same high level I'd maintained for my career thus far. 

However, we threw out this 12-week rule for close family and friends, and it was the best decision. Don't underestimate the power of support. Sharing in joy is uplifting, and frankly, if the worst does happen, wouldn’t you want to go through that with support too? Although I already knew I have the best people around me, some of my family and friends still surprised me with just how thoughtful their actions and words were, and the regularity of check-ins. I also realised the breadth of support you need: you don't always just need to hear ‘this symptom is normal’, sometimes you need to hear ‘these are your legal rights now you're pregnant, so do this, this and this’. 

Medical appointments 

Speaking of practical advice, something that surprised me is the frequency of medical appointments in the first trimester. You basically do not exist to the NHS as a pregnant woman until 9 or so weeks (unless you have some problems/complications and visit the EPU before that time). I was shocked when telling my GP about my pregnancy that they basically leave you vibing out here with nothing until a good two and a bit months in. Also, the minimal amount of ultrasounds throughout the pregnancy also baffled me (don't get me started on the fact that you have to pay a nominal fee for the printed ultrasound pics, if not from an EPU visit!). This country and its budgets, eh, hahaha. I know it’s all relative due to the stage of pregnancy, but as a first-time mother, I was very glad to have my own mum - who is also an ex-midwife - as well as mum friends around to reassure me during this time.

While I'm SO excited to meet my child, I do also not wish away this time either, nor this experience. Let's see what I'll learn in this second trimester…